Top Nonsensical Curses:
• Motherbumper Fannyfuck
• Shitwheeler
• Short-Handled Ass Tank
• Mop-Handle Michelangelo
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It speaks elegantly about you, yet barely whispers. That's right, Montana.
Birthplace of the most dramatic clock radio ever designed, and one of the
toughest riding mowers ever built. Like a small boy caught in the jaws of
war, like the locusts, like a noogie from your great-grandmother, Montana
just is. A focus of world concern, furnished in the style of Early American
in Salem maple, the pulse of sober life. The one-meal airline will whisk
you to this fabled land, then bite your head off like some kind of pissed-off
insect in a nature video. Early settlers discovered Montana by means of
sensitive tactile hairs. Damn, that's a tough act to follow.
Montana exists, if for no other reason, to remind us of this eternal
truth:
Ants have no ears at all.
You will drink a bottle of furniture polish, even though you're on a diet.
Try again later.
Milestones
1983: Red Bagel is thrown out of a casino for counting cards. He is not cheating, merely trying to settle a bet
with a friend on how many decks the casino uses.
Now Hiring
James Bondian Action Hero. Must be proficient in fire arms and small mechanical gadgets with
ridiculous capabilities. Responsibilities include killing unnamed lackeys and doing battle with bizarre supervillians
of non-distinct European origin. Good benefits, adventure, and pussy galore.
Best Sellers
1.
The Bridges of Macon County, Georgia Bobby Ray Poker
2.
The Lord of the Tacky Pimp Rings J.Z.Z.Z. Toolking
3.
Mary Contrary, Are You on the Rag Today? Dr. Soobst
Fortune 6
I present to you, the King of throw-away island. Slicing a trench into the past, dogwoods spread their sprays like drifting clouds, the most wasteful member of the tree family.
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