Fluffiest Gable
by Addams Advenburry
Gleenex hopped spritefully into the meadow. It was large, full, and green, like an Incredible Hulk sated on a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. He saw a group of rabbits playing in the distance, mostly hopping, which was the extent of rabbit playing.
“Top o’ the morning to you, laddy!” said one of the rabbits, Irish. He told his name to Gleenex.
“What are you, some kind of talking rabbit?” asked Gleenex. He thought it was all pretty stupid.
Another rabbit, larger, possibly on steroids, grunted disdainfully, “He’s an outsider rabbit, Irish. Don’t talk to him.”
“You think you’re tough?” snarled Gleenex. “I’ve left tougher guys than you in my pellets.”
The two began rabbit-tussling, which is a lot like human fighting, but mostly involves kicking your back feet rapidly at each other. Irish split them up, with the help of his friend, a quiet and forgettable rabbit named Damptree.
“Please, Shandwich!” Irish said to the large, burly rabbit. “I know you’ve got personal issues none of us can ever fully understand, but remember—we’re happy bunnies!”
“Speak for yourself,” said another rabbit, Anton.
“Oh, that’s right. Not Anton,” said Irish. “Still, except for Anton, we’re all happy bunnies, without a care in the world! We’re careless! We should be happy to have such a beautiful meadow, unintruded-upon by man and his callous environmental positions. Let’s rejoice and play! Dibs on the soccer ball.”
“I’m afraid you won’t have long to play,” said Gleenex, brushing himself off with his humongous rabbit-like feet. “I’ve come from Ponce Upon Lillies, where mankind is building a strip mall.”
“So?” gruffed Anton. “Why does that concern us? That’s the Ponce Upon Lillies rabbits’ problem.”
Gleenex snorted with contempt. “You short-sighted allegorical rabbit! Can’t you think outside the box for two lousy minutes? After Ponce Upon Lillies is gone, and those rabbits have either died or relocated to Florida, where do you think mankind will tread unwelcomely next? Right here, in the Gable.”
“Wait. It’s ‘Gable’?” asked Anton.
“Of course,” said Irish.
“How long has it been Gable?”
“It’s always been Gable, Anton.”
“I thought it was Gay Bull.”
“Why would it be Gay Bull?”
“I don’t… I don’t know. I just thought it was.” Anton hopped away, a little lighter than the other rabbits, if you ask me.
The rabbits continued their English-sounding conversation. “It’s impossible. The humans have never visited the Gable for developing. Why would they now?”
“They never visited Ponce Upon Lillies,” stated Gleenex sharply. “And then they just showed up one day. To demolish it!”
“So they did visit to Ponce Upon Lillies, whereas you said they never did.”
“Shut up, Damptree, you blithering moron. You should talk less,” snapped Irish. “How do you know all this, strange rabbit-person?”
“Because,” whispered Gleenex sorrowfully, “I used to live in Ponce Upon Lillies, before they drove us out. And here they will come next!”
For more of this great story, buy Addams Advenburry’s novel
Fluffiest Gable
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