Dear commune:

Chuck Weinert writing in to say that I crap bigger than you. I mean that literally and it’s a serious problem in my life. I’ve gone through three divorces and countless trailer homes because of this problem, and I’ve been blacklisted by the local plumbers’ union. You may think I’m joking, but right now I’ve got a crap on deck that would cripple a lesser man.

No one can say when this problem started, and doctors have been hesitant to investigate for fear of losing expensive medical equipment. I don’t know what exactly I expect the commune to do about this, but my guru suggested that it might make me feel better if I could share my plight with others. So there you go.

Chuck Weinert
Toebush, VA

Dear Chuck:

Thank you for sharing your fascinating story with our readers and staff, who are one and the same. We hope that this helps you in your journey through life. However, our guru tells us that discussing the matter further would run the risk of crapping up our Chi, and we can’t risk that since the results from our most recent chakraoscopy were not entirely encouraging.

the commune

Editor’s Note: the commune is not responsible for your dull, oafish eyes or the glacial pace at which you react to life stimuli. Which is why it is so easy for us to make light of your behavior, delightfully free from feelings of guilt. Volume 38
According to our sources Mr. Wadlow died in 1940, but we understand that in your grief you may not have been able to write to us right away. Come to think of it, you may have been waiting for the commune to come into existence before you wrote to us, a move we here at the commune applaud.

Volume 37
Though we here at the commune are excited about your idea, we feel that it would be unconstitutional to take such a step without first giving the people of Arkansas a chance to prove their state’s worth.