Welcome again, elite follower of all things entertainment. For hopefully the last time, if you’re seeking the wonderfully fictional critic Roland McShyster, please try the first and third weeks of the month, in other words, alternate Mondays, as we now share entertainment duties. I understand you may prefer a lighter touch with your film criticism, something that doesn’t affront your B.J. and the Bear sensibilities, but there’s no need for name-calling, and I assure you, what you suggest I do with my anatomy isn’t even physically possible. Now, on to my review of upcoming DVD releases.


Now on DVD

Radio
Hollywood lovingly sets the civil rights movement back by releasing this potent DVD in short proximity of the MLK holiday. Ever-wise film producers went all out to find a script delivering Cuba Gooding Jr. less dignity than Jerry Maguire and Boat Trip combined. I can imagine the conversation: “Wow, he sure was great in Rat Race—would it be funny to see him more retarded?” Unfortunately, bad gets worse as Gooding plays the role for sickly sentiment, obviously having an eye on another Oscar. The only Oscar he deserves, however, would be de la Hoya, and a two-fisted beating. Ed Harris is propped up nicely in the background.

Lost in Translation
Bill Murray unconvincingly portrays Bill Murray, in this bittersweet 120-minute joke about the Japanese. In a somewhat subtle reversal on Harold and Maude, Murray and Scarlett Johanssen play a couple of age-crossed lovers who settle for a queer relationship instead of romance. They run around to fast-cut cinematography and flashing Tokyo lights, and in the end, the director decides if you don’t have anything substantial to say, better to say nothing at all. For my money it worked better as another Ghostbusters sequel than a film about the human condition. Some guy and Scarlett Johansson’s underpants co-star.

Under the Tuscan Sun
A true piece of women’s filmmaking to delight misogynists everywhere. Diane Lane is a classically put-upon neurotic female character who escapes her boring, humdrum life by buying a rundown villa to renovate in Tuscany, starting a brand new boring, humdrum life we are all forced to sit through. Vaguely charming stereotypes abound under the guise of quirky characters and Lane smiles a lot to impose a sense of pretend poignancy in a movie where the most original thought went into the poster’s font. To give credit where it’s due, the film is beautifully shot, and it’s too bad the director wasn’t as well.


Lord knows I could deliver more witty entertainment blows to the other assorted rubbish making its way to DVD, but why give you more words to look up in the dictionary? Until next time, good viewing, America.

January 19, 2004
Along Came Paulie, The Butterfinger Effect, Mindhunters

Orson Welch’s Cream of the Crop of 2003
The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, Mystic River, La Toad D’Wont

January 5, 2004
Cheaper by the Dozen, Come on Eileen: The Story of a Serial Killer, My Daddy’s Baby

December 22, 2003
Cold Mountain, House of the Sandy Frog, Mona Lisa Simile, Monster, Paycheck