I am furious. Perhaps you are not aware of this, but the network has canceled The Drew Carey Show. You all know how accustomed I am to being outraged, but this time it’s even greater. Outrage, plus 1, I call it.

Worse yet, they canceled it even though I haven’t watched it in two or three years. It was my favorite show! How can they cancel it without warning everyone and doing a dramatic send-off? When they canceled that Friends show they gave them a huge two-hour good-bye. It doesn’t take me that long to say good-bye to real friends, although none of them have ever co-starred in Bruce Willis films. I couldn’t get one lousy newspaper article telling me that dear Drew Carey fellow was leaving, too? Fuck you, Friends. Drew Carey was my friend and your big to-do party distracted everybody that he was going.

From the first time I saw it, I identified with The Drew Carey Show. Here was a fellow who worked in an office, much as I do, and drank beer. I do that all the time. Like Drew Carey, I have tons of friends and a portly arch-nemesis at work. At least he seems to be an arch-nemesis, he doesn’t return my hellos when I pass by the newsstand. It was like they saw my life and put it on the TV, and paid me nothing. Here was a show worth watching!

Of course, I’m a busy man, and I couldn’t really watch it every week. But I did tape it with one of those video echo machines, whatever they’re called. I never watched the tapes, but I knew they were there. So now, instead of a limitless supply, I have maybe three or four years worth of Drew Careys to hang out with, then it’s all gone. And I haven’t even remembered to tape it in the past few years—like I said, I’m a busy man. But just because I never watched it and can’t remember the names of any of the other characters doesn’t mean I wasn’t the show’s biggest fan.

A lot of you are probably saying, “Get over it, Rok. It’s just a TV show. They all get canceled sometime.” That’s just like you, Camembert, siding with the network now that you and your new Elvis girlfriend are always going to the movies and no longer watch television. Well, forget you, I stole your favorite coffee mug and put it somewhere you’ll never find it. The Drew Carey Show was more than a TV show to me. It was a video tape, too.

I’ve been into a great many TV shows over the years. The Rifleman, Charles in Charge, and that C-SPAN show. Why do they always get canceled? Or else become filled with wise-cracking youngsters, like that C-SPAN show. Why can’t they leave perfection alone? When will they realize America doesn’t want new TV products, giving us fresh spins on old situations and making our drama more and more like our actual lives? We want the formulaic, the uninventive, and the comfortable, predictable world of sitcoms and cop shows. I say more shows where an ex-cop is framed for a crime he didn’t commit. More shows where the characters work out their problems after getting locked in the basement. And anything with Tony Danza, I love it.

The worst part is, Drew Carey went away and I didn’t even get to say good-bye. Just like my father, only Drew Carey probably wasn’t clawing his way out of a burning strip club. But then again, I don’t know, I didn’t see it. I suppose I should look on the bright side, that even though one bright television star has faded out, we still have a sky full. Craig Kilborn isn’t going anywhere, at least.