Hello Boris, this is me.

How is commune persons? So fun? Good to be for you. Boris? Boris is bitching. Boris is living good lives on top of bust in dead car museum, such beautiful place where sun is does shine on metal everywheres like beautiful ocean of lights that does make Boris so blind. Such pretty place for Boris to lived.

Boris does lose counting of days how long Boris lives on top of bust. So long time, like years or fifteen years. Don’t not know. Is like to live on dessert island where is no persons but Boris, but island is metal. Also, no cocoanut tree for Boris is to climb and sit in like elephants in adult book. Just Boris and metal island thing in ocean of paining lights. Also, is shit-crazy dog thing on ground, which is like shark in ocean to keep Boris from swimming out of dead car museum.

Dog is name Insane Harry. Don’t not know real name, this is Boris name for dog. Dog does just say name is Barking Slobber. Harry is mean like piranha dog, always does want to eat Boris up like marshmallow. So, Boris can’t not leave island except when Harry dog is sleeping, then Boris can sneak down for to pee and sneak dinner from venting machine. Then is time for fun screaming run back to bust top before Harry dog can bite Boris in ticklers.

This life thing does go ons for long times routine, then one day surprise persons does come and take bust island away while Boris still living on tops. Then is fun ass-hauling island adventure to go to place call New Olean because bust persons want to helping swamp persons in Olean place. This is such fun trip because Boris does pop head in to talk to bust persons but them doesn’t not believe Boris is real, thinking is like imagined Muppet or other drug thing on roof. Boris does like this new role in life.

And Boris does like New Olean place. Is no ass-crazy dog things to eat Boris privates, so Boris can does get down off bust after does stop moving and persons go away for swamp help. Olean is crazy fun place where persons does buy stuffs from stores using chair money. Person does give chair money to store window, there is loud “Thank You” crash, and person does get stuffs for carrying away. So cool this money, more fun than green paper things Boris does always forget and use for blowing nose.

So Boris does buying things this way to bring back to bust roof, journey for supply to return to island home. But, then uh-oh, because persons does buy all of bust insides with bat money and fire money and Boris must move for new place to live because bust does get so hot on bottom like hot dog cooker.

So fun for Boris to wander in swamp city and take in sight. “Hello!” says Boris to friendly clubs of men with gun and things. “Hello!” says Boris to soldier persons who is here to look out for crocodile. “Hell-oh, shits!” says Boris to crocodile who does want Boris legs so badly. This is when Boris does have idea to find new home that is too tall for crocodile to visit when Boris does is sleeping.

Of course Boris find perfect home that is convertible for sun to come in through ceiling, so nice this thing, not like dark Louis apartment that does keep out all sun and does have to make fake rain in bathroom. This Olean place have real rain for cleaning Boris and dirty furniture, and is all free for no monies. And sky ceiling is like TVs for free, with cloud show all times and helicopter show and connect-the-dot show at nightstime.

So cool this swamp place, Boris could be live here forevers. Or at least until house does finish falling-down thing is doing. Then, Boris will finds new living place does not smell like poop sewer. Ok, goodbye to Boris!