There was an old woman who
lived in a shoe
she had so many children
she didn’t even have to work
I had to support them all
because she’s a liar

Old Mother Hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone
I porked the old crow
but don’t let my friends know
it was, like, 4 a.m.
and I hadn’t been lucky all night

As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives
it’s my friend, Gary, ol’ G-Dawg
I’m not sure whose wives they all were

Little Bo Peep
has lost her sheep
so she smacks his ass
with her gigantic staff
until he learns his lesson
or the hour he paid for is up
the costume costs extra

Wee Willy Winky
shut-up, bitch, the hot tub was cold

There was a young guy named Dick
whose psychiatrist said he was sick
he suffers from permanent
arrested development
because his mother domineered
and his dad was quite queer
but at least he got a few poems out of all of it

Quadrophonia
“Ding-dong, the witch has snacks, that Rax hires blacks and Jack hates jacks. Which old witch? Fool, how many witches you know? Shiiiit.”

Popular Road
Yes, I took the road well-traveled / And my seams kept sewn, my sweater stayed raveled / My shoes suffered no pain or remorse / Nor did my steed—just as my horse

The Road to Budokan
Frog could be said to be more stupid than a dead ocelot or a pile of socks. Frog liked to eat rocks. And on the way to Budokan he ate a turtle with a rock-like tan.

Drained Heart
They all say / he / bags everybody / will fuck / any / thing in a skirt / That includes / Mac / Kenna the Scottish / Exchange Student / No / I do not shit you