Lovable loser and one-time fanatical terrorist hopeful Zacarias Moussaoui vowed to fight the death penalty and instant martyrdom for Islam in a Virginia courtroom Friday, as he entered a guilty plea on multiple terror charges.

Moussaoui’s al Qaeda comrades were responsible for the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, and the attempted attack on the White House. The attacks resulted in the deaths of more than 3,000 people and spurred the War on Terror, as well as fueled the War in Iraq. In Friday’s preliminary hearing, however, Moussaoui tried to distance himself from the national tragedies, and claimed he was part of another attempt to fly a plane into the White House that had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks.

“I came to America to be part of attack on White House and use plane as weapon of mass destruction,” said Moussaoui in funny broken English. “As you can tell, attack not go so well for me. Moussaoui get picked up at Minnesota flight school paying cash for lessons. Stupid Moussaoui!”

People in attendance laughed themselves silly, with comparisons to Tarzan and the Incredible Hulk going around the room. The terror suspect burst into rage, shaking his hands violently and yelling, “Quit it! Quit laughing at Moussaoui!” until he was tasered by bailiffs.

While medics attempted to revive the suspect, Moussaoui’s defense team spoke to the press. They vowed, despite having pledged his life to al Qaeda’s plan to martyr themselves destroying America, Moussaoui would fight the death penalty in the case after the prosecution announced they would seek capital punishment.

Moussaoui, a French fanatical Arab, was the first suspect arrested in the probe investigating the 9/11 attacks, arrested in 2001 a month before the attacks when he raised suspicion by paying $7,000 in cash for flight simulator training in Minnesota. Those who knew him in his private life described Moussaoui as a generally nice fellow, but said he did stand out from the other foreign visitors they knew.

“Well, I remember he referred to himself in the third person a lot,” said neighbor Rachel Wincett. “He talked a lot about wanting to blow up George W. Bush. But it’s Minnesota, you know, you can’t swing a dead cat without finding someone who wants to kill the president.”

Flight instructor Harold Farmer noticed peculiarities with Moussaoui as well.

“Mostly he asked a lot about parachutes,” said Farmer. “He’d ask how the auto-pilot worked… if you could steer the plane for something like, say, the White House, put it on auto-pilot, and then parachute out to safety before the massive explosions ensued. I told him sure, we all dream about it, but auto-pilot technology hasn’t come far enough to turn planes into self-guided missiles yet. Maybe one day.”

Nathan Ledbetter, a sometime-friend of Moussaoui, recalled: “He did carry a boxcutter with him everywhere we went, and when people stepped too close to him he would whip it out in a pinch, jab it out at everyone, threaten to fly the whole plane into a government building. I’d tell him, ‘Yo, Zack, we’re not in a plane, man, we’re at Brewski’s, and it’s dollar beer night.’ Come to think of it, I guess you can call that ‘odd’ behavior. Not the oddest with my friends, but odd enough.”

In a statement pledging to fight the death penalty, Moussaoui reminded the judge that technically, since he’s still alive, it’s proof he wasn’t involved in the suicide attacks during 9/11. Moussaoui also said that thought he hopes to embrace eternal martyrdom and be blessed in the afterlife with a planeful of virgins and the kindness of Allah, he will be happy to wait a long time, like until he is 97 years old, before he martyrs himself.