In the midst of one of the most embarrassing seasons in baseball history, the lowly Kansas City Royals saved some face this week, defeating the defending champions from Willemstad, Curacao in a stunning upset to claim their first Little League World Series title.

Kansas City took the game 7-6 on first baseman Matt Stairs’ takeout of Curacao catcher Willie Rifaela during a collision at the plate in the bottom of the 11th inning. Rifaela held onto the ball, but Stairs was ruled safe since Rifaela flew off the playing field at the moment of impact.

“Willie gave it a hell of an effort,” praised Curacao manager Vernon Isabella. “Especially considering he was outweighed by nearly 200 pounds in the collision. If he hadn’t come out of his shoes like that when the American hit him, I think we could have held on to win the game.”

Kansas City immediately basked in the sweetness of the victory, a rare experience for Royals players this season.

“In your face, Billy!” screamed Royals reliever Mike MacDougal, shoving a young boy’s cap down over his eyes.

Kansas City catcher John Buck credited his team’s success with the fact that the Curacao pitchers were too young to throw curveballs yet. Largely thanks to the elusive curve, Buck is hitting .220 this season against adult competition.

After finishing off baseball’s longest losing streak in 17 years, Kansas City manager Buddy Bell thought it would be a good idea to boost his team’s confidence by taking a break from their regular schedule to face some less-challenging competition. After making a few calls, Bell was able to enlist the AAA Topeka Ding Dogs to fill in on Kansas City’s recent road trip through Boston and New York.

“Nobody even noticed,” sniffed third baseman Mark Teahen. “I’d take that as an insult if I wasn’t so high off of spanking those little Curacan punks.”

Bell was then able to buy off the North American finalists from Ewa Beach in West Oahu with a case of PSP gaming consoles and a pornographic magazine, allowing the Royals to enter the title game in their stead.

For the first several innings it looked like even this game might not go Kansas City’s way, as 11-year-old Curacao pitcher Cookie DelRay dazzled the Royals hitters with his 67-mile-an-hour fastball and a changeup that failed to register on the radar gun.

“That kid was throwing BBs,” complimented a humbled Angel Berroa. “He also hid the ball really well for someone four feet tall.”

But the Royals stuck to their plan of exploiting their size advantage and the fact that the regulation Little League field is quite a bit smaller than major league standards.

“Come back when you got hair on your balls, little man!” gloated Royals outfielder Ruben Gotay, after drawing a walk and stealing all three bases to score in the sixth inning, thanks to the regulation field’s 60-foot base paths.

“You can’t touch this heat, little bitch!” bragged a proud D.J. Carrasco, after striking out 10-year-old Jurickson Profar of Curacao on a pitch many felt was inside.

After Rifaela was fished out of a nearby tree and carted off the field, the Royals were presented with their Little League World Champions trophy and coupons for sundaes at a local Baskin Robbins.

“I think this really could be the turning point for our season,” announced a wistful Terrence Long, high off the thrill of dominating elementary-school competition.

Kansas City returned to the majors on Monday, losing five of their next seven games.