Fuckoff Reporter Leaves commune in Lurch
Raoul Dunkin total cockwad BYRED BAGEL Greenwich Village, NY
BUSTY THOMAS for the commune
Raoul Dunkin, probable male prostitute
Longtime commune political correspondent Raoul Dunkin has unexpectedly left his post
at the commune in favor of hosting MTV’s South Beach Jigglefest this spring break
in Southern Florida. Confidential sources have it that MTV is just jerking Dunkin’s
chain, and that he’s an asshole for believing them. Only time will tell, but once
Dunkin is a washed-up Miami hobo begging for mustard packets on the streets, the
commune will be there to cover this important news story.
In order to fulfill Dunkin’s contractual obligations and ruin his credibility as
a reporter in his absence, in the coming weeks the commune will be publishing the fragments
of news stories and personal items that we found in his desk. We feel that this is
in the best public and journalistic interest.
Red Bagel is the commune’s fearless editor and a respected bookie for local dog-track betting.
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