Groundhobo’s Day
Hobo sees own vomit 
BY SIR ELTON CHEESY Dayton, OH

TODD RIPPENGOOD/AP Phil in fine form

Reports from the field indicate that upon being pulled from his refrigerator box behind Shear’s Grocery in downtown Dayton early this morning, local hobo “Pukeshitonme” Phil has seen his own vomit, guaranteeing another six weeks of discount liquor sales.

Asked to comment on this yearly ritual, Phil waxed philosophical. “Fuckin’ pull-tab vagina salesmen,” Phil muttered, then clucked like a chicken to the tune of Peter Gabriel’s “Biko.”

the commune News would like to thank dung beetles for their help in keeping the environment shit-free while this story was being prepared. Sir Elton Cheezy is thought by some to be a figment of the staff’s imagination, by others to be an aristocrat from the coral reefs off the coast of Brazil.