Mom

by Bartimere Gong

May 26, 2003

To stand under
the eyes of mom
the judging glare
of mom

To be shivered
by hands of mom
face like raisins
of mom

To be insulted
the tongue of mom
bitter questions
of mom

I have no job
the truth to mom
rent does not care
dear mom

Don't get me wrong
I love dear mom
the constant bitch
dear mom

One of these days I will have a million dollars
one of these days I will have a house on the hill
one of these days mom will need money for medicine
or clothes or food or shoes or walkers or old people things

I will give it to her
but not without a
lot of needling
dear mom

Quote of the Day

“Any man who serves as his own lawyer has a fool for a client. Because think about it, stupid, why you gonna pay some guy who didn't even go to law school? That's just dumb. And how do you pay yourself, anyway? Take your money out of one pocket and put it in the other? Silly. Or maybe you've got to hire a neutral third party to take the money and then hand it back to you, like a lawyer or somebody. Shit, this is gettin' expensive.”

-Dred Scott Drummond

Fortune 500 Cookie

You're simply the best, and that depresses us all. The next time you're on trial for murder, don't forget to mention that a Klondike bar was involved. And if you must ask for a lawyer who can get you off, at least try not to do it with that smarmy leer in your eye. Try chewing your food an odd number of times this week, like 6,372. This week's lucky injuries: hangnail, hangankle, ruptured spleen, stabitosis.

Try again later.

Top Nicknames for Each Toe

1.	Lil Pete
2.	Sweat Hog
3.	Midlor, the Middle Toe
4.	Die Schweine!
5.	Mr. Overrated
6.	King Shit
7.	Toe Ain't So Big
8.	Jam Salad
9.	Steve McQueen in The Great Escape
10.	Phantom Itch

Party Bus
Vincent Van Gogh where did you go? If you'd have just waited for me I'd have been your buddy. We could have got sandwiches and drove around in my van. That would've been pretty fun, sorry you missed it man. Ernest Hemmingway, you too... (5/12/03)

Up, Up and Away
Up, up and away in my beautiful balloon! Not a sound as I lift off the ground. Piss on you suckers and your ground-standing! Goddamn there sure are a lot of birds up here, and not just cute ones. I could swear some of these birds have... (4/28/03)

Ray Manatino's Reworked Classics
Whose woods are these, I think I know. I think they belong To that guy named Joe Who lives down the street From Peggy and Ray And set his own pants On fire one day. He was sniffing lighter fluid In the dark When he lit a match And his... (4/14/03)