Congress Snuck Legislation Through Legalizing Slavery
Subversive unpublicized new law revoked Empancipation Proclamation 
BY LIL DUNCAN Washington, DC

PETE BEATLY/AP Senators inadvertantly passing the slavery amendment

In the wake of the new political environment following Sept. 11th terrorist attacks, both Houses of Congress ratified a new Amendment while the public was preoccupied by the state of warfare between our nation and the country of Afghanistan. The Amendment, which undoes the Thirteenth Amendment outlawing the enslavement of human beings, received no counter arguments because everyone in Congress was “wrapped up in all this terrorist baloney,” according to President George W. Bush, who failed to veto the Amendment in a frenzied signing session.

The legislation, introduced by Rep. Danforth H. Billy (R, Missouri), dissolves the previous Amendment which outlaws slavery in the United States and makes provisions that “white people forever take their place as the rightful leaders of all mongrel people everywhere.”

“It’s not like we thought it was a good idea or something,” said Sen. Charles Schumer (D, New York), “It’s just that we were passing everything. Two or three bills an hour. Nobody thought to ask what it was about. We were trying to be patriotic and all that jazz.”

“That thing?” said Sen. Orrin Hatch (R, Utah). “Jiminy. I thought it was for relief for the airplane industry or something. Oh, piss. Well, I guess it won’t hurt my voting base none.”

The House of Representatives has since formed a committee to look into the possibility of maybe overturning the Amendment at some time in the future, as well as the questionable actions of Rep. Billy.

The new Amendment voids the Emancipation Proclamation and was passed on Sept. 22nd, exactly 139 years after the edict by President Abraham Lincoln granted slaves their freedom.

“Everybody just be patient, we’ll get this thing sorted out. Probably pretty soon,” said Sen. John Kerry (D, Massachussetts). “In the meantime we’ll be holding special elections to replace some of our current Senators and representatives, who are now no longer able to hold office as, by law, they’re now two-thirds a voter.”

the commune news sometimes just wants to tell everybody to kiss its ass and just take off down to Mexico, you know? Just take off. Lil Duncan is a senior correspondent for the commune and thinks she looks fat in those leather pants.