Georgia Man Makes
Killing on Corpses
Zombies the growth industry of the young millenium 
BY STIGMATA SPENT Noballs, Georgia

JUNIOR BACON Entrepreneur Ray Brent Marsh gets product straight from the source

"The secret to success," says entrepreneur Ray Brent Marsh, a prominent figure in this small town in Georgia, "is finding a need and filling it. And that's exactly what I've done."

Marsh is up for Georgia State Businessman of the Year, thanks to his aggressive campaign to corner the market on purveyors of the undead and newly-dead. With an inventory that numbers in the hundreds of bodies—"Hell, I've lost track of how many there are out there myself!" he laughs—Marsh is miles ahead of his nearest competitors.

"Most of the suppliers in the past have been small-time operators, people like John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy, Andrea Yates... I've just taken what they've done and turned it into a large-scale distribution network."

Marsh paused to take a deep drag from the large Montecristo he was smoking, then spent a few moments staring at the considerable ash and reflecting on his new-found success. "You'd be surprised how much demand there actually is for my product," he went on to say. "Down in New Orleans, you've got your Marie Laveaux voodoo wannabes, they're always looking for fresh meat, so to speak. And down in Haiti, you've got your Tonton Macoutes. Hell, they can't get enough of my product. I can't ship them out fast enough for that bunch. And then further down, in the smaller islands, there's always a demand for what I've got to sell. Always will be."

"The thing you've got to realize is that it's cost effective for these folks. I mean, all you've got to do is feed these bodies a little of the zombie cucumber, cut the head off a live chicken, do a little chanting and dancing around a fire, and boom, you've got yourself an obedient member of the undead, ready to do your bidding. No worries about coffee breaks or overtime, either. Yes sir, the market starts in the bayou country in New Orleans, and is active all the way down the Caribbean to Venezuela."

Asked about possible plans to expand, Marsh warmed to the subject.

"Oh, hell yeah!" he crowed. "I've been in negotiations with Kathie Lee Gifford for a few weeks now. She's looking for a new, more servile work force. Martha Stewart, too. And because these folks don't care where they're located, we're getting feelers from a lot of major corporations that want to move their operations offshore. They need cheap labor, and we've got the cheapest around."

Marsh then lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper and delivered his biggest news yet.

"Don't let this get around, but I've also heard from George Romero in the last couple days. Seems he wants to film yet another remake of Night of the Living Dead. He says this time, he wants the living dead to all be low-level employees of a big, high-profile energy company based in Houston."

"I'm gonna be in show business!" Marsh cackled. He then concluded the interview by stubbing out the Cuban cigar he had been smoking, putting a lid on the ashtray and offering it to this reporter as a "decorative urn."

As soon as we get off, the commune would like to buy its readers a Hurricane in a souvenir glass down at the Voodoo Lounge. Stigmata Spent would like hers in a to-go cup, please.