Canadians Outraged As Dog Takes Gold For Skiing
A Disney dream come true hits Salt Lake City 
BY RAMROD HURLEY Salt Lake City, Utah

ANSEL EVANS Murphy, the amazing skiing Olympiad with fur.

Controversy again surrounds the Olympics as Canadian skier Mark D’Ouvret was muscled out of the gold medal by a newcomer to Alpine Skiing, skiing dog Murph, representing the United States.

D’Ouvret was gracious in defeat, despite claims by skiing fans and Olympic critics that D’Ouvret had the better showing in the event. Millions around the world, however, especially Canada, were stunned and disappointed by the results. Some even lob charges that corruption has entered the Olympics again. It’s a tough accusation coming at a time when the IOC is still mired in controversy revolving around the figure skating gold denied to Canadian skaters David Pelletier and Jamie Salé. Suspect judging has been the focus of that Olympic blunder, while the gold being awarded to a dog has brought anger to every aspect of the Salt Lake City Olympics.

“Strictly speaking,” said Olympics Historian Professor Drod Hamelstein, “there’s no official statement in the rule book that says a dog can’t participate in the skiing event. Of course, it’s hard to actually write a rule banning something before it happens. There’s no rule that says an athlete can’t turn into a duck and still compete in the Luge. The point is, Olympics officials have to react stronger and quicker to things like this. The official who allowed the dog to compete should have been disciplined. And the dog, too, for that matter.

The dog in question is United States Alpine Skier “Murph” Murphy T. Dog. Murph is trained and owned by Coach Ralph Maple. He feels Murph worked very hard for the gold and the Canadians and critics are just sore losers.

“Murph is no overnight success story,” said Maple. “He worked hard for this, just as hard as D’Ouvret or any of those skiers. Even harder I think. He won, right?”

“That’s completely ludicrous,” said Austria’s Klaus Kleinermacht, who has been outspoken about the illegality of Murph’s participation. “The dog, he skis fine. But he is still a dog. Dogs should not be skiing in the Olympics. They ski on TV shows or home video programs. And did you see the scarf his owner put on him? Shameless pandering to the judges.”

International Olympics Committee President Jacques Rogge was reluctant to name names, but did admit mistakes were made and the situation was being reviewed.

“Personally, I would not have allowed a dog to enter the competition,” said Rogge. “I cannot say who is to blame for the lapse in judgment, but we will investigate. All I can say is I would not have allowed a dog to enter the competition. Unless perhaps he had a darling scarf.”

the commune news would appreciate a sponge bath about now, but then again, who wouldn't? Ramrod Hurley denies allegations he is a closet alcoholic, the idea of limiting his drinking to one tight and confining space horrifies him.