FBI Uncovers Several Other Targets Among Terrorist Documents
Nearly everything outside of Nebraska in danger 
BY RED BAGEL New York, NY

JUNIOR BACON for the commune Potential terrorist target Regis Philbin

Investigation into the Sept. 11th terrorist attacks has uncovered frightening proof among the recovered documents that terrorists had planned many further attacks on America that were thwarted or too under-funded to carry out.

Other possible targets announced by the FBI included: The White House, the Capitol building, the Sears Tower, Mount Rushmore, the Statue of Liberty, the Seattle Space Needle, the Grand Canyon, the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio, the Hard Rock Café in Nashville, Disneyworld, Disneyland, six different Mickey Mouse watch factories, Monticello (Thomas Jefferson’s house), Broadway, Six Flags Magic Mountain, the Mall of America, Old McGurkey Trailer Park, the Air and Space Museum, Fonzie’s Jacket at the Smithsonian, Politically Incorrect With Bill Maher, Hawaii, Delaware, Regis Philbin, Tom Cruise, James Cameron, old episodes of I Love Lucy, and Bigfoot.

It is believed the importance of each potential target was debated for hours, until it was narrowed down to the top three or four. Estimates say that if Osama bin Laden’s terrorist network is responsible for the attacks it would take the entire lot five times over to commandeer enough planes to hit every target.

“It’s crazy. Crazy!” shouted Regis Philbin, upon being told he was a potential target. “Scary to think about. Damn scary. I watched the images on ABC News, the same as millions of other Americans. I saw the twin towers in flames, crumbling to the ground. It’s truly terrifying to think that could’ve been me. Me!”

James Cameron promised Osama bin Laden and the Taliban regime, believed to support bin Laden’s movement, would “get theirs” when he begins work next month of True Lies 2: Ragtime.

the commune News has no quarrel with the people of Afghanistan, Pakistan, or Uzbekistan. Stan Musial, however, is begging for an ass whuppin'. Red Bagel is the commune's fearless editor and is not afraid to cry during major sporting events.