Bin Laden Fails to Show Up
for Terrorism Awards Show
Coveted ‘Boomie’ won and not accepted yet by Terrorist of the Year 
BY LIL DUNCAN Washington, DC

JUNIOR BACON for the commune Even Destiny's Child's sizzling performance was not enough to bring the reclusive Saudi out of hiding

Last night’s Academy of Terrorism Awards show was a disappointment to all, as the coveted Terrorist of the Year award was won by no-show Osama bin Laden. The awards show, held at the Pentagon in Washington, D.C., in fact failed to supply any of the terrorists who won awards.

“Obviously, we’re sad to see not one of the big winners this year turned out,” said Special Forces Commander Joe Don Dawson, presenter of this year’s Outstanding Terrorist Event award. “It’s a huge shame. But really, it was sort of a longshot anyway. I mean, that they’d show up.”

Dawson then gave a hand signal and several dozen black-clad commandoes rappelled down the side of the auditorium walls, disassembling their weapons and moving single file to the exits.

Some news sources have claimed the Terrorism Awards show is an overt attempt to lure bin Laden and other Al Qaeda terrorist network officials out of hiding so the U.S. government can apprehend them.

“Who told you—“ started President George W. Bush, then correcting himself in a calm manner, responded, “Of course not. The Academy of Terrorism presents these awards annually for outstanding, uh… you know, excellencism in the field of terrorism and such.”

According to other news sources, despite the president’s claim, this is the first year on record for the Terrorism Awards show. In fact, no address for the Academy of Terrorism could be verified, and names given as leaders of the Academy are all obvious joke names like “Seymour Cox” and “Jacques Trap.”

If the Academy of Terrorism and the Awards show are both genuine, it stands as a great coincidence all recipients of this year’s “Boomie” awards were also on the U.S. Most Wanted Terrorists list recently released by President Bush.

the commune news is never as “news” as you want it to be and certainly not as much “commune” as you were expecting. Lil Duncan runs a tight ship here, boys, and no one gets off without her permission.