Distraction

by E.L. Pout

November 26, 2001

Fifteen phantom penpoints
All under my control
I move them deftly, swiftly smearing
ink upon a single slice of paper.

Sixteen sweatered titties
Distracting me so simply
from my fifteen phantom penpoints
Nothing worthwhile written, once again.

Quote of the Day

“I never met a man I didn't like, want to kill.”

-Dill "California Angst" Wongers

Fortune 500 Cookie

You will fall in love with a new douche this week, a fact that unfortunately has nothing at all to do with feminine hygiene. Try to pay more attention to your figure: word on the street is you're upgrading from "pear-shaped" to "sack of shit-y." You will finally come to understand the phrase "fifteen men on a dead man's chest" this week, thanks to an unfortunate dogpile mishap. Your lucky perfumes: Colonic for Men, Goat's Dong, Eau Du Crapper.

Try again later.

Least-Popular Halloween Handouts

1.	Jesus Tarts
2.	Sock full of pennies
3.	Shnuckers; like Snickers, but filled with delicious Shmucker's jam
4.	Asked to open bag, close eyes; smart-ass farts into sack
5.	Everlasting Never-Ending Irradiated Gobstopper

Shuns
Who has been flushing your worldly possessions? Replacing your wardrobe with out-of-date fashions? Making your schnauzer do Nixon impressions? Squeezing your neighbors for seedy confessions? Coating your lips with pre-cancerious lesions? ... (11/12/01)

The Waistland
April be the month that's meaner Than a shot of carburetor cleaner Or an icy, uncooked wiener Said the raven: "Ned's a Whore". "Ain't my lookout," said the genie, in a voice so tiny, teeny Ned thought it a baby, beanie And burned down the... (10/29/01)

The Crab
"I'm only ingesting asbestos in jest," said the tapdancing monkey with blood on his vest; I told him that I didn't think it was funny. "Who says you know funny, you ignorant fuck?" he said with a sneer, and I urged him to suck my cock, because... (10/15/01)