Distraction

by E.L. Pout

November 26, 2001

Fifteen phantom penpoints
All under my control
I move them deftly, swiftly smearing
ink upon a single slice of paper.

Sixteen sweatered titties
Distracting me so simply
from my fifteen phantom penpoints
Nothing worthwhile written, once again.

Quote of the Day

“Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal. They have to, because let's face itâ€”you're never going to support yourself as a fucking poet, cheech.”

-B.S. Eliode

Fortune 500 Cookie

Expect a big upturn in your finances when a bag of silver dollars dropped from a skyscraper nearly kills you. People flock to your show when The New York Times calls you "Stomp for people who wish Stomp would just fucking die already." The court case is decided this week and you now legally have bragging rights. Lucky meat substitutes: Soy, tofu, tofurkey, a McDonald's hamburger.

Try again later.

Top Phil Spector Trial Revelations

1.	Spector threatens to shoot all his visitors in the mouth if they leaveâ€”get the fuck over it already
2.	Middle-aged Spector traded "Wall of Sound" for "Wall of Hair"
3.	Yes, everyone in L.A. really is as crazy as you've heard
4.	Spector goes through pizza delivery guys like you wouldn't believe
5.	No you're thinking of "Help Me Rhonda," "Da Doo Ron Ron" goes "I met him on a Monday and my heart stood still, Da do ron ron ron, da do ron ron"

Shuns
Who has been flushing your worldly possessions? Replacing your wardrobe with out-of-date fashions? Making your schnauzer do Nixon impressions? Squeezing your neighbors for seedy confessions? Coating your lips with pre-cancerious lesions? ... (11/12/01)

The Waistland
April be the month that's meaner Than a shot of carburetor cleaner Or an icy, uncooked wiener Said the raven: "Ned's a Whore". "Ain't my lookout," said the genie, in a voice so tiny, teeny Ned thought it a baby, beanie And burned down the... (10/29/01)

The Crab
"I'm only ingesting asbestos in jest," said the tapdancing monkey with blood on his vest; I told him that I didn't think it was funny. "Who says you know funny, you ignorant fuck?" he said with a sneer, and I urged him to suck my cock, because... (10/15/01)