|   Deidrebane, You Will Take Back What You Said About Dokken
I've put up with a lot over our many years of marriage, Deidrebane my dear. Your incessant coupon-clipping, child-rearing and flair with culinary dishes of all varieties. Your sunnily upbeat manner, and troubling habit of treating the neighbors with... (4/9/07)
For the Last Time Deidrebane, Those Aren't the Feds
Deidrebane, Deidrebane, Deidrebane. My sweet, dear paranoid Deidrebane. I don't know through which orifice crawled in these latest musings that torture your fevered imagination, but I assure you, beyond the wispiest shadow of a doubt, that the Feds... (8/29/05)
Don't Be Absurd My Dear, That's Obviously Not My Shit
Please. Deidrebane, my dear, I tire of your ceaseless accusations. I swear this is all I've heard about all week since you found that softball-sized rock of crack cocaine in the sofa cushions. For the googleth time, darling, that's clearly not my... (6/20/05)
My Dear, Your New Children Have Become a Nuisance
My dearest Deidrebane, it pains me acutely to have to write you this column and expose our personal goings-on to the somewhat wider audience of the world at large, but I can't find any of our personal stationary and I'm not about to go tearing up... (4/11/05)
I Promised to Stop Smoking Crack
It's just like you to twist my words around. I think I'd remember, in the midst of all that automobile wreckage, whilst the paramedics were sweeping the windshield glass out of your eyes and the neighborhood was awash in a sea of swirling lights and... (12/6/04)
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Quote of the Day“Love is blindness, deafness, muteness, retardation, spinal bifida, shingles, crotch rot, Alzheimer's, malaria, gout, rubella…”
-Doctor LoveFortune 500 CookieDon't spit, shit, or knit into the wind this week; as a matter of fact—stay out of the wind entirely. And those gibberish Mariachi lyrics you've been humming for the last three years—time to give that a rest. You will be mortified this week to discover that the family camping trips you've been repressing since childhood were the inspiration for Brokeback Mountain, and that you're not actually related to your uncle Phil. This week's lucky colas: Mister Flat, Diet Riot, Vanilla RBX174, Buurp, Cherry Fairy, PreP, Pepsi-dAC.
Try again later.Top 5 Things Heard on Election Night| 1. | "Now keep in mind, with only 2% of the precincts reporting, it could go either way. But it certainly looks good for Mr. Nader at the moment." | | 2. | "What the fuck is that blue one? Vermont?" | | 3. | "The polls have just closed, and thank God, the bars are just opening…" | | 4. | "I can't believe this—even Wyoming has an electoral vote." | | 5. | "This is not happening… this is not happening…." | |
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