|   The New Anne Frank Diary
You may be asking yourself what do I mean by my slightly smug title? Am I mocking the tragically short and tortured life of a little girl killed in a massive campaign of genocide? No. I embrace Anne Frank's courageous spirit and indomitable will... (9/5/05)
Highway to Hell
The list of sins I committed in a previous lifetime must still be rolling out somewhere, without end in sight. I can find no other explanation as to why I'm back here at the commune. I'm not sure if I feel more like Martin Sheen in Apocalypse... (3/28/05)
Burn, Bridges, Burn
Strangely enough, it seems at least one person who isn't rich has benefited from the election of George W. Bush—that person is me. Make no mistake, politically, I am on the left and voted for Kerry, who is already fading from the memory like the... (12/13/04)
A Vote For Bush is A Vote For Bush! Bush!
Never before in the course of history has one nation so collectively possessed a mental deficiency.
How many polls must come out, one after the other, simply to infuriate me with the conflicting information that the president's approval rating... (10/18/04)
Just a Minor Setback in the Raoul Dunkin Story
Salutations to you, commune reader, assuming you're reading these columns and not merely gazing at the pretty colors while waiting for your Girls Gone Wild video clip to download. Forgive my gruff manner, but the Raoul Dunkin story has taken... (9/30/02)
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Milestones1987: A practical joke backfires, resulting in Roland McShyster being put in charge of Orion Pictures.Now HiringNeighbor. Must be unpredictably silly and capable of conjuring up outlandish schemes week after week. Applicant will be judged based on appeal to uncreative mass audiences and spin-off potential. Non-white, homosexual a plus.Top Puns that Got You Shot| 1. | "But waiter, you can't tune a sandwich!" | | 2. | "If you want to get married some time, give me a ring." | | 3. | "Arr, you think me cooking be impressive, you should see me pea soup!" | | 4. | "Come back, man, that's nacho cheese!" | | 5. | "I play bass for Big Dick and the Trojans, we're a rubber band." | |
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