Sunflake

by Violet Tiara

December 24, 2001

Oh, to be a phantom sunflake
resting on the bile.
A single, golden, shining sunflake,
gurgling in the Nile.
An elf's aorta, a unicorn's anusâ€”
none could be as sweet.
As to be a lonely sunflake
munching on a leek.

Rainbows tease me,
ogres please me,
dragons wax my car.
But to be a perfect sunflake
would take the cake by far.

When the grass is green
like acid-washed jeans
and the faeries are screwing the birds,
there shines on the lovely sunflakeâ€¦
too heavenly for words.

I once caught a sparkling sunflake
in the palm of my hand.
It burned straight through like I was butterâ€¦
And now I can't play tennis.

Milestones

2003: The infamous "Battle of the Bulge" breaks out at when office wench Ivana Folger-Balzac mistakes Ramrod Hurley's beerbelly for a birthing alien larvae and sets into the Acting-Editor with a can opener. The skirmish and resultant standoff lasts 18 hours and claims the lives of several Crochet! magazine staffers, for whom the commune observes a moment of near-silence.

Now Hiring

Sexecutioner. Why does everybody keep laughing when we say that? We need a dude who can kill some fucking people in an official capacity, okay? What's so funny about that? You guys are sick. Anyway, pay commensurate to experience. Must provide own mask, axe, electric chair, whatever floats your boat.

Top 10 Deciding Issues for the Election

1.	Germany's been getting cocky lately
2.	Always vote for the guy who wins
3.	President should be able to take a punch
4.	Do I look fat in these jeans?
5.	Search Iraq for WMD, OMD, and REM

The Visitors
Snooty bugle-playing burglars Why do you bother me? Go to hell, you naked buglers Cease your melody. Who invited uncooked hamhocks All these pigs I see? Go away, freeloading pork pies Get out my Christmas tree. Get out Santa, get out Elvis Get out... (12/10/01)

Distraction
Fifteen phantom penpoints All under my control I move them deftly, swiftly smearing ink upon a single slice of paper. Sixteen sweatered titties Distracting me so simply from my fifteen phantom penpoints Nothing worthwhile written, once... (11/26/01)

Shuns
Who has been flushing your worldly possessions? Replacing your wardrobe with out-of-date fashions? Making your schnauzer do Nixon impressions? Squeezing your neighbors for seedy confessions? Coating your lips with pre-cancerious lesions? ... (11/12/01)