Dreamin' in Dreamland

by Ray Manatino

January 7, 2002

I'm dreamin' a dream of a dream
I once had
about a dream that I had once before

The one where the fish flip and follow
each other
diving deep in the dark down below

The one where I'm swimming
safe and secure
sailing a salt-silent sea

The one where I'm dreaming I'm
dreaming I'm dreaming
and three times I can't wake up

The one where the waves wash
the walls all around me
or they would if I weren't in a meeting right now.

Quote of the Day

“I got the blues so bad. Real bad. You know what I'm talkin' about? Uh-huh. No fun. Bluesy blues. Well, that's about all I got to say about that. Song's another four minutes long though. Sooooâ€¦ Any of y'all from Cleveland?”

-Ugly Carmichael

Fortune 500 Cookie

You will get kicked in the balls for a good cause this week. Expect a telephone call from a long forgotten friend todayâ€”your split personality from Belgium. Lose the mustache, that "Hitler" look is so 1997. This week's stomach-pump jackpot: $20 in loose change, long-lost stash, grandma's favorite knitting needles, Nerds.

Try again later.

Top Signs You May Be Obese

1.	File footage of your last beach trip keeps turning up on evening news "Obesity in America" segments
2.	Telemarketers disgusted by sounds of your constant eating
3.	Farm animals instinctively panic in your presence
4.	Buffet mysteriously closed no matter when you arrive
5.	You stopped for a snack in the middle of reading this list

Sunflake
Oh, to be a phantom sunflake resting on the bile. A single, golden, shining sunflake, gurgling in the Nile. An elf's aorta, a unicorn's anusâ€” none could be as sweet. As to be a lonely sunflake munching on a leek. Rainbows tease me, ogres please... (12/24/01)

The Visitors
Snooty bugle-playing burglars Why do you bother me? Go to hell, you naked buglers Cease your melody. Who invited uncooked hamhocks All these pigs I see? Go away, freeloading pork pies Get out my Christmas tree. Get out Santa, get out Elvis Get out... (12/10/01)

Distraction
Fifteen phantom penpoints All under my control I move them deftly, swiftly smearing ink upon a single slice of paper. Sixteen sweatered titties Distracting me so simply from my fifteen phantom penpoints Nothing worthwhile written, once... (11/26/01)