Midnight Snack

by Frank Niebaum

April 15, 2002

All the summer dumplings want to eat me alive,
I get a hostile greeting even before I arrive!
Oh me oh my, I've pissed off the pie!
What an unfortunate fate!
Why'd I have to delve into the custard so late?

Now my gentle dreamland has been turned all amiss,
Not a single baby here to give me a kiss!
No hills made of quilts, no drummers on stilts,
My dreamscape has gone all wrong!
Goodbye to Brahms and hello to this Zydeco song!

Moon, my friend, oh what I'd give to see your wide smile,
Every cake I bite into is filled with a file!
No cow up there jumping, the breastmilk is pumping,
The little dog's barfing up crack!
The spoon is gone, the plate is having a heart attack!

Why'd I have to eat those dozen Cadbury eggs?
Why not leave the chocolate bunny, or at least his legs?
That damn midnight snack that I wish I had back,
Oh please dear God let me wake!
At least get these sheep to rehab, for goodness sake.

Quote of the Day

“Discretion is the better of valor, and the first thirty minutes of Saving Private Ryan much better than any of the rest of it.”

-Crazy Eddie Shakespeare

Fortune 500 Cookie

It's time you leave your job, 'cause they're going to fire you tomorrow. If you're ever cornered by a bear, hang your lunch in the tree and pretend you have Tourette's. She sells seashells by the sea shore, which is an incredibly bad market to unload those things. Duck, duckâ€”goose. Lucky numbers all negative.

Try again later.

Top Other Inventions by the Crash Test Dummy Creator

1.	Self-ejecting canned corn
2.	5-string bass
3.	Hot HandsÂ®, the cheapest, safest, easiest way to light your hands on fire
4.	Crash Test Dummy Secret Base Playset (Figures sold separately)
5.	Freshomatic, battery-powered freshness-testing meter

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