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08/2/25   
Come for the pie, stay for the complete lack of pie

My New Lifestyle

by Wes Thurmon
bio/email
August 5, 2002
Monday, August 5, 2002
If I could ever be
as free as a tree,
I'd pee only Brie.
My neighbors would see
the beauty of me.

I'd sing like a duck
and have all the good luck.
I'd dance for a buck
and sleep in a truck
I bought for a buck
and I'd laugh "Nyuk nyuk nyuk."

What a beautiful day!
I almost wish I was gay
and I lived in L.A.
What more can I say?
What a wonderful life that would be…

Eating green spinach pie,
reading about Princess Di.
Pausing briefly to sigh
"These sad books make me cry!"
But this dark purple tie
is so stylish, I could die!
But I won't 'cause it's great to be me…

Yes this is the life
I've waited for all my life.
No more fat, naggy wife!
No more mis'ry or strife!
New gay lifestyle I love thee…

People will talk
of my beautiful cock
that I keep in a sock
under key under lock
cause he's hard as a rock
and he's covered in chalk
and he can take a knock.
He's a tough little chicken you see…

My identity? Clarified!
My new lifestyle? Verified!
Wait, naked men? Terrified!

Terrified! Terrified!

New gay lifestyle I'll miss thee…


Quote of the Day
“I am the very model of a modern major general. Perhaps this explains my inability to move my limbs and the pungent smell of airplane glue.”

-Gilgamesh Sullivan
Fortune 500 Cookie
You will get kicked in the balls for a good cause this week. Expect a telephone call from a long forgotten friend today—your split personality from Belgium. Lose the mustache, that "Hitler" look is so 1997. This week's stomach-pump jackpot: $20 in loose change, long-lost stash, grandma's favorite knitting needles, Nerds.


Try again later.
Top 5 Ways Bush Could Raise Approval Rating
1.Replace Hugh Jackman in next X-Men sequel
2.Give out free abortion to pro-choicers on Roe v. Wade anniversary; for pro-lifers, kill convicted criminal
3.Be seen everywhere with new wheelchair-bound friend
4.Go on Leno, punch Tom Cruise right in sack
5.Win war on terrorism, declare war on disagreement next
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