Thug Life

by Billy Olson

December 9, 2002

You can take your poetry class
grind it into a meatball
and cram it up your ass
Mr. Costenoble,
you fruity pebble prick.

And Health teacher,
I'm warning you
to mind your own girth
I could out-eat you
since long before birth
I had a twin brother
way back in the womb
"I ain't hoggin' the food tube,
get the hell out my room!"
He ain't around no longer, you want to be next?
Then use me one more time to illustrate the text.

Go on, girls, keep on giggling
about the time I got kicked out of the cafeteria
for sneaking a second helping.
That's a good way to get your tits kicked in.

Eating lunch alone is my prerogative
they give me all the pudding they by law can give
"Yoohoo, bitch, it's chocolate milk!
I didn't come here for no soyburgers and Silk."
Who said I ate all the cookies my mom made for the class?
Damn, you must be aching for a Ked up your ass.

Denny McFarlaine needed to get all up in my biz?
Saying my ass was fat and my brownie was his?
Though I wanted to snap the nuts off this fine fellow
and shout and scream and holler and bellow
I decided to just play it mellow.

And when I was done with lunch,
with a bone-shattering crunch
I kicked his ass into Jell-o,
just as a way to say hello.
So much for playing it mellow.

Or at least I will the next time he plays it like that.

Quote of the Day

“Any man who serves as his own lawyer has a fool for a client. Because think about it, stupid, why you gonna pay some guy who didn't even go to law school? That's just dumb. And how do you pay yourself, anyway? Take your money out of one pocket and put it in the other? Silly. Or maybe you've got to hire a neutral third party to take the money and then hand it back to you, like a lawyer or somebody. Shit, this is gettin' expensive.”

-Dred Scott Drummond

Fortune 500 Cookie

You're simply the best, and that depresses us all. The next time you're on trial for murder, don't forget to mention that a Klondike bar was involved. And if you must ask for a lawyer who can get you off, at least try not to do it with that smarmy leer in your eye. Try chewing your food an odd number of times this week, like 6,372. This week's lucky injuries: hangnail, hangankle, ruptured spleen, stabitosis.

Try again later.

Top KFC Image-Makeover Slogans

1.	Kids, Fun, and Cholesterol
2.	Karmic Food Co-op
3.	Killin' Fuckin' Chickens
4.	Koreans for Christ
5.	Kome Feed da Chiknz

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