12/6/25
Spreading lovely herpes like Johnny Appleseed
|  le bottom eyes  March 17, 2003 Truth be told, I've never had any sexual dreams of any kind involving Prince. I know that's kind of surprising, since you assume most people have, but not me. Not that I think I'm above it or anything, or like I'd freak out and join the Marines or something if I did have one. I'd be cool with it. Just never had one.
I did once have a pretty crazy dream involving the B-52's and the cast of Sledge Hammer! in Waikiki. I wasn't in Waikiki at the time, but the dream was. That was pretty hot, in a vaguely disturbing kind of way. Weird to think I'm probably the only person on earth who gets aroused at the sight of David Rasche. Luckily it doesn't really come up that often. Whenever you tell someone something like that (and if you haven't already, I'd probably recommend not telling anyone and avoiding the problem all together) usually they think that you're either (A) a pathological liar or (B) a pervert.
(A) Those are some mighty strong words for a guy wearing a fanny pack, compadre. If you're not careful, someone's going to stuff you into that thing and feed it to an elephant. Then you won't seem so smart. Not me, mind you. But most likely someone with access to elephants.
(B) Fuck you! Who are you calling a pervert? I've made much straighter guys than you look like pervs in comparison to me, dickcheese. And who printed you up a license to inflict your uptight sexual repressions on the rest of the world? You make me sick. People like you come across all high and mighty until it comes out that you either (a) like to dress up like giant stuffed animals or (b) masturbate to cooking shows.
(a) Ew is all I've got to say about that. I just hope you work for Disneyland or something because otherwise, Ew.
(b) What the fuck is up with the cooking shows? I mean, yeah, I understand about wanting to learn to make delicious shit, but when did it occur to you to take your pants off? Were you already jerking off when one came on and it just became a force of habit? I guess I could understand that, but it seems pretty unlikely. You'd have to be jerking off to whatever was on before the cooking show and that was most likely (I) a travel show about Syria or (II) a commercial for some kind of microwave bacon-cooking rack.
(I) Syria, really? Whatever floats your goat, man. Last time I checked there weren't any National Geographic chicks there walking around with their mama-mias hanging out, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that they were having some crazy fashion show or bikini calendar shoot there or something.
(II) Okay, you're either (i) fucking with me, or (ii) some special kind of "miracle of evolution" freak-ass.
(i) Good one.
(ii) I'd give you a medal, but you'd probably get it stuck up your ass. Stay the hell away from me. Quote of the Day“To sleep, perchance to dream. As long as I do not dream of being pursued by that creepy Duracell robot family, for that shit was truly too much for a soul to endure.”-Robert Shakenspear Fortune 500 CookieDo not take the road less traveled, 'cause the toll is complete bullshit. If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you? Your mother will finally find out this week. Two brutal assaults is a coincidence, three is a lack of self-control. Expect to be broken hearted this week, as the writing on the bathroom wall foretold. Lucky numbers all make a sum of 9.Try again later. Top 5 Worst Ways to Start a Letter
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Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.