America the Beautifart

by Mrs. Jabonski's Third Grade Class

July 21, 2003

O beautiful farts stained the skies,
For lumber made of brains,
For purple Muppet maggot fleas
A dove went fruity--GAY!
America! America!
God shaves his balls with thee.
And this other dude
Had a brother who'd
Frenched a seal in the slimy sea! Gross!

O beautiful Ford Pinto fire,
And beans that give dogs gas
And fat kids who eat ding dongs
Until they've got a King Kong ass!
America! America!
God shits some grapes on thee.
And stick your butt in a Pizza Hut,
Until they show it on TV!

O beautiful sick weasels peed,
On your grandma's electric fence.
When the smoke cleared the minivan
Was covered in weasel dents!
America! America!
God barfed his brains on thee.
The president kissed a pig for Lent
He thought was the Virgin Mary!

O beautiful retarded flies,
On a seasick lion's mane
For Mrs. Jabonski's bad trick knee
And her husband who is gay! (fruity)
America! America!
God waves his butt at thee.
For the Batmobile did lose a wheel
And the Joker got away! Hey!

Quote of the Day

“Impartiality is a pompous name for indifference, which is an elegant name for Cletus, my inbred asscrack of a neighbor about whom I am far from indifferent.”

-CK Festerchild

Fortune 500 Cookie

You wir find gleat rove in an ord flend. That's not an accented translation; you just have a really weird fortune this week. It's time to face the facts, or at least the facts of life: even if you manage to get that face you drew on your hand pregnant, it's just going to be one more mouth to feed. This week's lucky ringtones: Hangin' Tough, Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, Two Princes, Kokomo.

Try again later.

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