The Insomnia of Ransom Rippleby Ulysses P. Crackbutter ![]() September 29, 2003 Ransom Ripple's twisted nipples
kept him from his sleep. The night was long, as Ransom's thong straight up his ass would creep. An incessant dripping at his ears was nipping, as it echoed from the sink. "This noisy room will be my doom!" was all that he could think. The words to a song, like a clanging gong, rang and jiggled his brain. "This tune will be the death of me!" he was heard to complain. He counted sheep, then counted Jeep, then counted jellybeans. But then he remembered once being dismembered… "I wonder what that means?" Ransom Ripple's toe was crippled and he had to pee. His nose did whistle like an incoming missile, And he thought "God please kill me!" But just when he'd conceded that he'd get no sleep that he needed, and resigned himself to silently weep… the strangest thing happened. He dropped off into a nap and dreamt that he couldn't fall asleep. Quote of the Day“No poor bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country. Unless we're talking Gandhi, but what fun is it taking a cudgel to the nuts for your country? None, that's how much.”-Gorgeous George Spatten Fortune 500 CookiePrepare for a fantastic journey of whimsy and wonder, and it's going to cost you $20—don't forget you can't touch her. Your keys are always in the last place you left them, so try looking at the bottom of Lake Chappaquiddick. What's up grandma's ass? What a bitch. When this particular problem comes along, literally whipping it will only result in jail time. Lucky skin blemishes: blackhead, pockmark, knife wound, stigmata.Try again later. Worst Country Songs Ever
Nature Lovely limping little lepers like to lick my Dr Pepper. Lice feel nice as honey-nuts buzz right up a buzzard's butt. Screaming beetles weave through weevils so rude they chewed all my Big League Chew. "Motherfucker!" go call Smuckers ... (9/15/03) Waiter! "A ball bearing wearing ranch dressing blessing Blanche's wedding? Upsetting," Ted grieved as he weaved his sleeve. "Hey, what did you say?" Nate was late. "Speak up toward my head, Ted." "Whose blues did Louis use?" Ted said. "Choose? I... (9/1/03) What Holds It All Together I'm careful with my stapler-- I use it when I have to, but I try not to be wasteful, lest the staples disappear I rarely use my Scotch tape; most things have to be stapled. I use paperclips aplenty, but my tape might last all year The... (8/18/03) |