the commune

Rusty Klein

Federal justices believe a "do not call" list infringes on free speech as described in the Constitution? These guys have probably never been subjected to "free speech" at home during the dinner hour. Between these recent rulings and the debacle with the Ten Commandments monument in Alabama, it might be prudent to send a copy of the Constitution to all the nation's federal judges. â€” Professor Jeremy Klein

Quote of the Day

“Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal. They have to, because let's face itâ€”you're never going to support yourself as a fucking poet, cheech.”

-B.S. Eliode

Fortune 500 Cookie

Expect a big upturn in your finances when a bag of silver dollars dropped from a skyscraper nearly kills you. People flock to your show when The New York Times calls you "Stomp for people who wish Stomp would just fucking die already." The court case is decided this week and you now legally have bragging rights. Lucky meat substitutes: Soy, tofu, tofurkey, a McDonald's hamburger.

Try again later.

Unlikeliest Candidates for New Pope

1.	Joe Piscopo (Hereby known as Joe Piscopope)
2.	Winner of three-man guitar contest between Steve Vai, Yngwie Malmsteen, and Joe Satriani
3.	Real Pope, once impostor is out of the way
4.	Pope's son Iggy Pope
5.	Jimmy Cutler, winner of 2002 American Pope reality show contest, waiting all this time for his big chance

How I Won the War on Terror
Contrary to popular opinion, the president assures us it can be wonâ€”and it doesn't even take peace negotiations, concessions, or changing the way we conduct business around the planet! It just requires one more check. â€” A.D.... (9/15/03)

President Unnamed Democrat
Polls show that an unnamed Democratic candidate could beat Bush if the election were held todayâ€¦. but polls say none of the nine Democratic candidates can win against Bush. It can't possibly be that Americans don't know what they want and only... (9/1/03)