Deuce

by Melora Gray

October 27, 2003

slapped so hard his beak was loose.
But Bruce and Luce they called truce,
and drank a can of blue moose juice.
The goose he drank it through a sluice.

Norman Snoran, small recluse,
lives deep inside a red caboose.
He's solitary, one could deduce,
because his swearing is profuse.
Though some think that just an excuse.

Sorta Spellman, allow me to introduce,
a girl for which I have no use.
Some think her sullen, some obtuse.
I can forgive the way she wears a noose,
but not the day she betrayed me for produce!
Zeus is taller than a spruce,
an attribute he puts to misuse.
Storks and stiltwalkers, he does seduce,
until to tears they do reduce,
when they find his love diffuse.

Allow me to induce
a sentiment as dark as mousse,
for characters prone to abuse.
The reasoning may be abstruse,
but just to ponder: What the deuce?

Quote of the Day

“the commune is back? All right! Wait, what the fuck is the commune? What? Now Iâ€™m going to kick your ass for getting me excited for nothing.”

-Ron Tangley

Fortune 500 Cookie

This is the week everything changes for you. Yep, even those underwear. Go get a spatula. We all agree that your breasts are attractive, but usually a guy needs a follow-up act to really reel in the ladies. Try learning to play the lute this week, just carrying it around isnâ€™t impressing anyone. This weekâ€™s lucky fuckers: Fucker G. Robinson (the worldâ€™s second-richest and seventh-most-unfortunately-named man), mother, Megan Foxâ€™s boyfriend, and whoeverâ€™s sleeping with that hot girl on the Mortonâ€™s Salt container (oh get over it, sheâ€™s totally grown up by now).

Try again later.

How Did Rat Poison Get in Food for Dogs & Cats?

1.	Particularly sly British mouse known only as Nigel
2.	Adult illiteracy: Secret shame of the pet food industry
3.	Turned back for one minute; Islamic fundamentalists cats & dogs go shithouse on production line
4.	Mislabeled bags were manufactured for special Ted Nugent brand of pet food
5.	One man determined to get the fucking dog to play dead already

Radiation Plantation
"Radiation Plantation," I spoke the information. "Scott?" Scott blew snot on a pink carnation. "Ready the gammaram, and prepare for floatation." "Aye aye, captain," he replied as he spied a crustacean. So at last we'd found... (10/13/03)

The Insomnia of Ransom Ripple
Ransom Ripple's twisted nipples kept him from his sleep. The night was long, as Ransom's thong straight up his ass would creep. An incessant dripping at his ears was nipping, as it echoed from the sink. "This noisy room will be my... (9/29/03)

Nature
Lovely limping little lepers like to lick my Dr Pepper. Lice feel nice as honey-nuts buzz right up a buzzard's butt. Screaming beetles weave through weevils so rude they chewed all my Big League Chew. "Motherfucker!" go call Smuckers ... (9/15/03)