the commune

Rusty Klein

With the bombing of the British embassy in Turkey, terrorists are now striking targets in neighboring Islamic countries. What better way to win over your most potentially sympathetic audience than set off bombs next door! â€” Professor Jeremy Klein

Milestones

1988: Future commune staff photographer Junior Bacon takes a photo that shocks the nation, until experts determine that the Sasquatch-looking thing in the picture is actually future commune editor Red Bagel.

Now Hiring

Experienced Spelunker. Needed to find a way into Ned Nedmiller's office and see if there's anyone still alive in there. Ability to speak Dutch a plus.

Top Reasons for Increased U.S. Ladder-Associated Deaths

1.	"Up/Down" directions never specified
2.	Reckless Generation Y refuses to wear protective equipment
3.	Ladder-deaths portrayed so glamorously in the movies
4.	Frequent union strikes by staircases leaving human helpless to descend to higher landings except by already overcrowded ladders
5.	Direct correlation to 50% increase in all-blind-cast productions of Our Town

Oil to Iraq
The Army recently announced it was renegotiating Iraq contracts after Democrats raised questions about Halliburton bilking the government out of millions to import oil into Iraq. But of course, the Army says there's no truth to the rumors of... (11/10/03)

The Media Filter
President Bush has repeatedly the rebuilding of Iraq is going much smoother than the media would have us believe. Though the media is prone to sensationalism, is it really possible to "filter" in several attacks on civilian quarters, numerous dead... (10/27/03)