The Raccoon Killerby Violet Tiara ![]() November 24, 2003 On golden gilded lapis lazuli
the gnome was homely, old and plain. Byzantine tattoos on his brain made him think the world insane. "Lichens liken to Vicodin dreams… rolled oats, old goats, matriarchs." A Chicano girl named Rosa Parks mumbled something in the dark. "I am the Duke of lukewarm duke," he tried the title on for size. Mercury tears welled up in his eyes, round and hot like blueberry pies. "I am the size of the simpleton skies?" he ventured a stab at identity. A raccoon laughed down from a tree remembering something he saw on TV. "It is no use, I have no use, I'm decidedly uninteresting." Bees flew by, to sting something more interesting than he. The sun went down like a hooker on a clown and the night gave the gnome no relief. He sat in the dark with his lack of a spark as the raccoon teased "Where's the beef?" And the morning was the same as the frogs called his name and the dragonflies dragged things about. The crickets sang a song and the raccoon hummed along as the gnome thumbed all of his nose hairs in doubt. By the noontime it was bright as the land was drenched in light but in darkness the gnome sat darkly in despair The raccoon said while yawning the gnome held no hope of spawning "And by the way you are losing your hair." Something snapped and in the shock the gnome bent and picked a rock which with a mighty flinging fling he flung it. And when all was done and said the raccoon was stone dead before the gnome had really realized he'd done it. Seeing the raccoon lying stiff though did not cause a tear of whiff inside the gnome who rather felt quite cheery. For he'd found it, don't you see? Finally found a thing to be. "Raccoon Killer? Now that doesn't sound so dreary!" Quote of the Day“Be always on the phone, so that when the devil calls, he will get your voicemail.”-St. Jerry Fortune 500 CookieJust because you don't like the message, don't waste your time killing the messenger. John of Lancaster already took care of that for you 500 years ago. New scientific breakthroughs now make it possible to wash your hair while it's still attached to your head: no more tedious cutting and re-attaching with naval knots. Try to remember: Chex are for breakfast, checks are for paying bills. You will mix those up again this week. This week's lucky dogs: Lassie's offspring still living off residuals, all Irish breeds, and the two-legged one-balled variety.Try again later. Least Popular Baby |
| 1. | Katrina |
| 2. | Gigli |
| 3. | Scott Peterson |
| 4. | The King of Pop |
| 5. | Skullfuck |