Hungry Like a Wolf

by Laurence Trundle Lawrence

April 5, 2004

I'm hungry like a wolf
that just ate a whole
big-ass bag of Purina
but then he saw something
really funny and was
laughing so hard
he barfed it all up.

Dark in the city, night is a wire,
steam in the subway, earth is a fire.
Holy shit, how can I think about eating at a time like this?
But it doesn't matter, you can't
teach a wolf not to be so goddamned selfish.

A wolf is like a box of chocolates
all full of cherries and nougat
and crazy shit you don't know how it got in there.
A wolf can eat anything,
like a tin can or a soccer ball.
They're like goats except
they can eat goats too.
Goats can't eat other goats
because they're the same size
so they'd explode.
But a wolf will eat your whole box of ding dongs
and look at you like "What?"
right before he pisses all over your stereo.

In touch with the ground,
I'm on the hunt I'm after you.
If you're a tuna sandwich
or something I like, that is.
It's not like I'm gonna eat a
big greasy brick of braunschweiger
or something gross just because I'm hungry.
So I guess in that way I'm not quite
"Hungry like a wolf"
but I'd argue that I'm pretty close.
Maybe like a wolf that's pretty picky,
but that doesn't roll off the tongue
quite so smooth.

Quote of the Day

“Even the smallest man among us can accomplish truly great things. And when it's over, it takes less beer for him to get drunk. That is truly great.”

-Leonard Rutland, Professional Drinking Fisherman

Fortune 500 Cookie

What are you keeping that scab for? Throw that thing away already, for Christ's sake. Too many cooks spoil the broth, and so does putting sun-dried mayonnaise in it. Remember when dad told you you'd one day do something great? You will this weekâ€”remember he said that, that is.

Try again later.

Top 5 Questions in the Wake of the Harry Whittington Shooting

1.	How come it took so long to find out there were no weapons of mass destruction?
2.	Why do they call it birdshot instead of leadshot? And, as a follow-up, what's buckshot?
3.	What did Whittington know, and when?
4.	When exactly did Brangelina hear about it?
5.	So, where do you wanna eat?

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