The Fourth commune Enthusiasts Club Meeting

Faithful voyeurs, or as I like to call you, "reserve" commune Enthusiasts Club members, I'm thrilled to report the summer picnic of our little group was a resounding, unqualified success. As unqualified as Raoul Dunkin applying for a job in a pornographic movie. Ha! A little joke at the expense of the commune's favorite maligned reporter. Forgive me, Raoul, it's impossible to resist joining in the good-natured fun.

As I mentioned, the picnic went off without a hitch. Of course, since I've been the only one attending meetings for the commune Enthusiasts Club since the year began, I had the direst expectations it would not attract a single visitor. Maybe I overreacted, working diligently from the beginning of the summer until the picnic day itself, August 21, advertising it around all of the tri-state area. What a surprising turnout! Close to 1500 new members showed up to the picnic. Can you believe my success?

I attribute much of the crowd turning out to my attempts to focus the meeting on a political agenda. I printed up many of the flyers and posters with a large "BEAT BUSH!" banner, and gave the location and time of the picnic. I believed more people would get behind the commune if they could embrace a similar agenda, and so many these days share the commune's objective of revealing the fallacies of the current administration and our so-called "president." How right I was. Protestors showed up in droves, and this time they were supporting the commune, and against the president.

Not that the plan didn't fail on some occasions. I clumsily folded the paper when Xeroxing the last two-thousand of the flyers, so a few too many of them inappropriately advertised "EAT BUSH!" and attracted a not-altogether desirable demographic. Still, I never judge a book by its cover, or the weird smell emanating and the unsettling groans it emits. I took down everyone's name I could get, and some of them were even pretty stoked about returning for future commune meetings—a young man named Jack Mehoff offered to videotape all our future gatherings. It goes to show, a little optimism can make the rain clouds disappear.

Understandably, it was hard to discuss future commune Enthusiasts Club business at the picnic with all the angry shouts and the large riot squad attendance, who infuriatingly carted away some of our most vocal members. Fearless leader Red Bagel proves himself right again about the "police state" New York City really is. I told as many people as I could when the next cEC (is that an acceptable acronym, gang?) meeting will be. Same as always, every Friday at my house—parking subject to availability, if we get just as large a turnout. Hopefully this time it won't be just me in my basement, reading a speech I practiced all week just to have no one else show.

My one regret about the picnic is I didn't get the information about its success to you all sooner. I had enough time to write up a concise description of the event for the August 23 commune, but the space Red Bagel promised me for my usual address was revoked at the last minute. Mr. Bagel had it on good authority China was going to finally launch that attack on the moon he kept hearing about—it didn't happen, thank god, but better to be vigilant, so no hard feelings here.

Though it wasn't an official meeting, fellow commune Enthusiasts Club member and longtime friend Sandy dropped by Wednesday. We watched a DVD movie (Hellboy) and had an argument about my insistence on taking notes on all our get-togethers. I told her it was for official club business, but she insisted she wasn't in the club anymore—something we're still discussing.

So a reminder to all readers, be sure to get in on the ground floor of the commune Enthusiasts Club while you still can. I've got a feeling it's really about to take off, and I'm pretty sure this time the feeling will be right.

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