06/7/25
Terrifyingly adequate
|  Phil Spector's Hairby Violet Tiara   June 6, 2005 Rising high like a psychedelic mushroom cloudso loud without a sound Holy Jesus, did you see Phil Spector's hair? Big like Canada Big like the sun Big like an idea whose time has come Phil Spector's hair is like a Zen koan Through which the wind doesn't whistle, it moans It's so big it's small It's so short it's tall Fuck it man, I lost my Frisbee in there Phil Spector's hair's got more air Than Neptune's atmosphere Phil Spector's hair is like the end of the world Blotting out the sun Like a hot air balloon from hell What's that smell? I can't get nothing on my cell Dammit, Phil. I imagine a whole colony of weebles living in there in the city of Phil Spector's Hair Or the Whos that Horton heard And rare, endangered species of bird Goddamn, Sam I think a barber from another dimension Had a hand in those extensions "Hey look, I'm on the TV!" No shit dude, you ARE the TV Now move a little to the left So I can get TBS I can hear the empty cans of hair spray rattle when he walks That thing lists like a satellite when he talks There's a gaping hole in the ozone over that hair constellation That shit's giving me nightmares like Ringu And that's another annoying thing, too That hair's in my peripheral vision 24/7 And at a quarter to eleven I can still see a quarter of Phil's hair in the sky As it sets in the West and in the East It rises like yeast It's the key to Middle East Peace And it soothes the savage beast But dammit, man How come I always get seated behind Phil Spector at the goddamned movies? Quote of the Day“A little bad taste is like a dash of paprika. A lot of bad taste, like a grinder full of cayenne pepper. And doing that annoying Cajun guy impression while doing anything—well, that's just beyond bad taste.”-Dirty Parkbench Fortune 500 CookieIn the annals of history, there has always been one man who laughs uncontrollably whenever someone says "annals"—that's your legacy. Turn up the heat this week, 'cause that fucking turkey has been in the oven since Saturday. If you can't beat them, join them, and show them what real losers they are for accepting you into the group. Lucky bastards this week are Tom Monroe, Pete Gelbart, Judy Simon, and that son you're pretty sure is living in Winnipeg now.Try again later. Top Secret Shames
 Self-Fornicated Kiss me, you beast with the golden toes the arches of your eyebrows like a broken McDonald's sign the smacky wetness of your lips like the maw of a paint-stained flower (love me, Venus Flytrap) Absorb me swallow me whole crush my bones with... (5/30/05) Brandy is Dandy Brandy is dandy and wine is fine but liquor is quicker and vodka divine. Gin makes you sicker and slows down your ticker when you pull down your knickers so more freely to bicker. Thunderbird is a wonder, stirred and Night Train ... (5/9/05) My Love is Like an Orange My Love is Like an Orange, all shiny and orange and filled with a citrus burst to quench your lonely thirst. My love is not like porridge or storage or forage For my love is like an orange and… Bugger, nothing rhymes with orange.... (4/11/05)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.