I Think This New Stacked Show's Gonna Be a Giant Tit!

June 13, 2005

America's favorite love-it-all reviewer from Spineless Magazine is branching out and trying his hand at the best new blog of the year! How's it going to turn out? Awesome-tastic!

1:21am - To Be Continued
:Gotta go, I'm late for something!

10:51pm - StillStacked
But the show's not just about boobs, no way! It's also got bouncy dialogue and cleaves right to the heart of important societal issues every week. There's also a funny old guy who's ugly and old enough to really let Pam's beauty shine through in contrast. She's a 10, no doubt, but he makes her look like a 10.7 at least. There are also some other pleasantly nondescript characters there to say all the lines that aren't Pam's. Which is good, because if it were just Pam talking all the time, then the show would be a one-woman monologue and those are never fun. She'd probably start talking about her vagina and ruin all the good times! Don't go there girl!

6:08pm - I Like Peanuts
:Am I the only one who thinks CBS Nightly News has totally jumped the shark? Sorry guys, but I'm going to have to jump on the bandwagon that thinks you guys did your best work back when nobody knew who you were. Now it's all about the money, and the women. Nice hair, though!

5:31pm - In the News
:Has anyone tried these Lunchables? I've got a hunch(ables) they're pretty great!

5:06pm - MoreStacked
The studio execs were proven right once again, because Pam Anderson's got the giant big knockers of talent that the world has been dying to see!

3:59pm - Deepness
:What has everybody been hearing about this heaven place? Sounds pretty nice, ay? Or is that just me?

1:38pm - Still Hungry
:Let me be the first to say, deodorant is the way to go. Sure beats the alternative.

11:40am - StackedAttack
:You can say ta-ta to the small time, Pam, because I'm predicting your star's gonna bust right out of that tiny, constrictive bra of anonymity, baby. Anyone with a pair of eyes can see, Stacked is a giant tit and I see some golden globes in Pam Anderson's future! I know Golden Globes are awards for movies, I wasn't talking about that. I see big things coming out of the shirt of your career, girl.

9:16am - Meatloaf
:If there's one thing I can wholeheartedly recommend to every man, woman and child on the face of the earth, regardless of age, and without even knowing them, it's the BowFlex. Talk about your muscle factory! Those guys in the commercial are ripped!

Quote of the Day

“You can't tell me what to do. Unless I was already just about to do the thing you said. Then I'll do what you say, but not because you said to do it. Hold on; let me draw up a flow chart.”

-Pistain Johnson

Fortune 500 Cookie

In retrospect, it was a mistake to name your jewelry store "Who Faahted?" Try learning a new song this week: Everybody's sick of the theme from Ice Pirates. You'll get lucky in the market this week: all your stocks will plummet, but you're going to get laid by a butcher. This week's lucky terms of endearment: Ninjatits, Daddy's Little Freebaser, Grape Ape, President Precious, Monsieur Brabuster.

Try again later.

John Kerry's Vision for America

1.	Americans shouldn't be despised everywhere abroad; only France
2.	Health care for each and every American with insurance
3.	A chicken in every pot, and pot for everyone without a chicken
4.	Make Affleck and J-Lo realize they're still in love
5.	Sterilize all Bush males

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You Don't Know Dickman (Vol. 1)
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