Fortune 2

February 1, 2000

"Day to day gyrations are a sign of a good performing Georgi," said The Wise Men about Clifford's cunning. Clifford retorted: "Bark. Bark. Bark." ("The Buck is Bruised"). He tended to confuse Vietnam with reality. Because of Regan he ended up in the same motorcycle gang as Miss America and finally blah blah blah. The hills bragged about their alcoholic dog population, which had been deregulated and redegradated. Clifford had a plan to systematically steal Nixon's eyes. It was as personal as it was unprecidented. Luckily for Nixon, two of his four engine mounts were liquid-filled. Heh, dumb fucking dog.

You will find love in a new pastry drawer. Try again later.

Quote of the Day

“Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes! Or, if they're wearing sunglasses, just aim for the balls. Cocky shits.”

-General Dicky Prescott

Fortune 500 Cookie

That noise outside your bushes? It's just me. Something important tomorrow, but I can't remember if it's "lottery" or "leprosy"â€¦ Don't forget to check under refrigerator; it's shrimp, that's what you're smelling. Lucky numbers 15 and Qwiddley-Two.

Try again later.

Top Nonsensical Curses

1.	Motherbumper Fannyfuck
2.	Shitwheeler
3.	Short-Handled Ass Tank
4.	Mop-Handle Michelangelo
5.	PelÃ©!

Fortune 1
There is a very tricky method for applying a neutral shadow to animal consciousness. If a lion could talk, it would be too low for humans to hear, but he would tell the story of the Greatest Elephant That Ever Lived. If we could hear him, which we... (1/1/00)