Don't Be So Hard-On the President

August 16, 2000

I'm sure there's many a people thinking "Our president should step down! It's better to resign than face an impeachment trial." I happen to disagree vehemently. I know in times past I've stated how much I disagree with things vehemently and it was apparent my only reason for disagreeing was to use the word "vehemently" with frequency, but this time, I most certainly disagree vehemently for other reasons.

It is certainly not conceivable to me that our President lied or obstructed justice. I've read and reread all the transcripts in that Ken Starr report. It was everyone who had President under oath who failed the American people. If they thought President should not be given blow jobs, it should be more specifically stated in the Constitution. Is it in there? Take a moment to go read it. I'll wait here.

President never once lied. When all these boneheads asked about "sexual relations" and "improper relationships" with that Monica Lewinsky girl he told them "No" in all honesty. How could anyone call a few dozen blow-jobs a "relationship"? And we all know blow-jobs aren't sex. Hell, if they were, that would mean I've cheated on my wife approximately three hundred sixty-two times in my marriage of three decades to my beloved wife, Arvelyn. With everyone from pizza delivery girls to the President of the Loyal Order Water Buffalo.

Why must people be such moral bores? If we didn't want a rowdy hillbilly to get his li'l Congress "approved" in the White House, we shouldn't have gotten rid of our king.

Quote of the Day

“Don't stop eating out tomorrow. Don't stop, the fries will soon be here. The food'll be better than before. Breakfast is gone, breakfast is gone.”

-Fleetwood MacDonalds

Fortune 500 Cookie

Don't give up on your search for unconditional love this week: it's keeping the rest of us amused. Try finding a breakfast cereal that doesn't contain quite so much garlic. You will be arrested for taking off your pants this week, and assaulted by the stranger you take them off of. This week's lucky way- underground dance moves: The Drunken Swordfish, The Statue, Degenerative Disc Failure, The Herpe, Clap Your Thighs Say Ouch, The Go Home Alone, The I'm Getting My Ass Kicked This Ain't a Dance Move Please For the Love of God Help Me.

Try again later.

Least Effective Protest Signs

1.	Stop Iraq War and Tooth Decay
2.	France is Against It!
3.	Smooth Move, Ex-Lax
4.	Prevent Tyrannical Military Action and Stop U.S. Globalizâ€” (see other side)
5.	Bush is Just Lame Nirvana Wanna-Be

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