The Joker

May 15, 2001

Some people call meâ€¦ the "space cowboy." Some call me the "gangster of love." Some people call me "Maurice"â€”wahnt wahâ€”because I speak of the pompatus of love.

People talk about me, babyâ€”say I'm doing you wrong. "Doing you wrong"! Well, don't you worry, baby, don't worry. 'Cause I'm right here; right here, right here at home.

'Cause I'm a picker. I'm a grinner. I'm a loverâ€”and I'm a sinner. I play my music in the sun. I'm a joker, I'm a smoker; I'm a midnight-toker. I get my lovin' on the run.

You're the cutest thing I ever did see.

I really love your peaches; wanna shake your tree.

Lovey-dovey. Lovey-dovey. Lovey-dovey all the time. Ooo-wee, baby, I sure show you a good time.

'Cause I'm a picker. I'm a grinner. I'm a loverâ€”and I'm a sinner. I play my music in the sun. I'm a joker, I'm a smoker; I'm a midnight-toker. I sure don't want to hurt no one.

People keep talking about me baby: Say I'm doing you wrong. But don't you worry, don't worry, no don't worry, momma. 'Cause I'm right here at home.

Editor's Note: As you may have guessed, Rok Finger had an embarrassing incident with a stage magician over the weekend and has assumed the new identity of Steve Miller of the Steve Miller Band; hopefully temporarily. With luck, Rok's regular identity and column will be restored next time.

Milestones

1979: A young Omar Bricks writes the first incarnation of what will eventually become his "My Friend Polio" column, originally titled "Why I Peed in the Water Fountain."

Now Hiring

Web Site Designer. Must have little to no professional experience, critical eye, delusions of grandeur, and think every current website sucks big ass compared to own Helmet fan page with FAQ. Starting pay of $90k to $250k, based on sheer swagger. Position will replace current asshole Neal, who should be finding out about thisâ€¦ just aboutâ€¦ now.

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