The Joker

May 15, 2001

Some people call meâ€¦ the "space cowboy." Some call me the "gangster of love." Some people call me "Maurice"â€”wahnt wahâ€”because I speak of the pompatus of love.

People talk about me, babyâ€”say I'm doing you wrong. "Doing you wrong"! Well, don't you worry, baby, don't worry. 'Cause I'm right here; right here, right here at home.

'Cause I'm a picker. I'm a grinner. I'm a loverâ€”and I'm a sinner. I play my music in the sun. I'm a joker, I'm a smoker; I'm a midnight-toker. I get my lovin' on the run.

You're the cutest thing I ever did see.

I really love your peaches; wanna shake your tree.

Lovey-dovey. Lovey-dovey. Lovey-dovey all the time. Ooo-wee, baby, I sure show you a good time.

'Cause I'm a picker. I'm a grinner. I'm a loverâ€”and I'm a sinner. I play my music in the sun. I'm a joker, I'm a smoker; I'm a midnight-toker. I sure don't want to hurt no one.

People keep talking about me baby: Say I'm doing you wrong. But don't you worry, don't worry, no don't worry, momma. 'Cause I'm right here at home.

Editor's Note: As you may have guessed, Rok Finger had an embarrassing incident with a stage magician over the weekend and has assumed the new identity of Steve Miller of the Steve Miller Band; hopefully temporarily. With luck, Rok's regular identity and column will be restored next time.

Quote of the Day

“Impartiality is a pompous name for indifference, which is an elegant name for Cletus, my inbred asscrack of a neighbor about whom I am far from indifferent.”

-CK Festerchild

Fortune 500 Cookie

You wir find gleat rove in an ord flend. That's not an accented translation; you just have a really weird fortune this week. It's time to face the facts, or at least the facts of life: even if you manage to get that face you drew on your hand pregnant, it's just going to be one more mouth to feed. This week's lucky ringtones: Hangin' Tough, Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, Two Princes, Kokomo.

Try again later.

Top 5 commune Features This Week

1.	Protecting Your Children from Our Children
2.	Uncle Macho's Pure Beef 2006 Calendar
3.	The Crushing Tragedy of Cold Sores
4.	HD-DVD, Blu-Ray Discs, Digital Tape, and 10 More Reasons to Stop Buying Movies
5.	Critics' Corner: Hemorrhoids and Mariah Carey's New Album (A Comparison)

Some People Call Me the Space Cowboy
Good people, the most wondrous of wonderful, funderful, magical things has happened to me! I was hit in the side by a dirty van while crossing the street and gravely injured. That's not the good part, but I'm getting to thatâ€”let's take the long... (5/15/01)

I Can't Get Up
Help me! Good people, this is not a lark, I'm seriousâ€”I've fallen and I can't get up. I can excuse the snickering and guffaws from the peanut gallery. I, too, have witnessed those B-grade commercials for elderly alarm devices in which pathetic... (4/16/01)

This is High-Grade Stuff
As my readers know, I believe strongly in charityâ€”one look at my wife will tell you that. She holds the demeanor and loving look of a woman who's weathered many a charity event at her husband's side. So most Rokophiles are well aware of "Rok... (3/16/01)