hey're young. They're dangerous. They're filled with hate for all Western culture and the influence it's had on Islamic countries. No, they're not Al-Qaeda; they're Algerian, and they're tired of being compared to Osama bin Laden's terrorist units.

If you haven't heard of these Algerian up-and-coming homeland security risks, it's not surprising. They've only recently made any news at all, and it took a far backseat to growing concerns about Iraq and North Korea, as well as troubling domestic issues like the economy and Joe Millionaire. They're relegated to the back page of the World news right now, and they're not happy about it.

"It's just like Americans to ignore you as a threat if you haven't set off a bomb in their country or anything," said one leader of the as-yet-unnamed group, who refused to be identified by name but used the alias, "Stonewall." "It won't be that way forever. One of these days our name will be bigger than Al-Qaeda—as soon as we agree on one. People will ask, 'Al-Qaeda who? Were they anything like…' well, then they'll say the name of our group, when we have one."

It's a strong feeling throughout the group, as well as other aspiring Islamic extremist terrorists out there: Al-Qaeda has become the Elvis Presley of anti-Western guerrillas, and it's a double-edged sword.

"On one hand," said one youth, known as "Itchy," "people are finally taking terrorists serious again, for the first time since those Iranian hostages in the 70s. But now the bar is set so high nobody can compete with them. A lot of us don't have the kind of funds and numbers needed to destroy an American landmark or symbol of Western wealth. We're the independent terrorists, the ones doing it for the real love of Allah, and we have the better arguments, the better fatwas, and when we die for the glory of Allah's cause we're receiving the most rewards. But that doesn't matter much if you're operating out of basements and searching couch cushions for money to finance your terrorist camps."

One of the reasons the Algerians agreed to meet and discuss their situation was to raise awareness of smaller garage terrorist units. The press has not been kind—even when they cover their actions, like the recent news story in Britain where a group was arrested for possession of Ricin and killed a British police officer, the reaction of the American media is cynical and smug. Newsweek referred to the incident on page 48 with the headline, "Al-Qaeda Hacks Kill Just One in Manchester."

"It's completely unfair," said a thin, wiry terrorist nicknamed "Atwall." "Ricin is pretty dangerous, you know. Had that plan been carried out by our brothers, there's no telling the kind of damage it could have done, throughout Britain and America. Well, not America—that overseas postage would have killed our budget. But still, all the major networks are scoffing, like, 'Why couldn't they get Anthrax?' That stuff's expensive, infidels. We don't have Saudi oil money behind us. Most of our funds come from the donation jars we set up in Algerian supermarkets. That and loans from our parents, which are due back in a couple of years, when we start showing a profit."

"It's true," added Stonewall. "You kill one person these days in the name of Allah and you can't even get on the third page of a major news magazine. You have to be like in double-digits to get that kind of coverage. Let's not even talk about making the cover. We're optimistic, but we know it's a long way off. First we have to get a good name."

According to the group, several suggested names have failed to please a majority of the group. Suggestions currently on the table are "The Red Flag," "The Al-Roka," and "Grassy Knoll," which the group likes, but feel like it would take too much explaining and limit how much they make major newscasts.

istory in space exploration was made as the first Israeli astronaut was launched into space Thursday, aboard the U.S. space shuttle Columbia. The astronaut, Israel air force pilot Ilan Ramon, said that it was his country's hope to investigate colonizing outer space Arabic settlements.

"It has been a wonderful step forward for Israel, and for the future of space colonization as well," said Israeli Ambassador Malcolm Lentin. "Problems of overcrowding and dwindling resources may soon be a thing of the past. This mission is the first step toward colonizing Arabic settlements everywhere, including outer space, but also other distant Arabic states on Mars and elsewhere."

The launch took place under extremely high security, as have all shuttle launches since Sept. 11^th. The presence of Ramon, though, drew greater attention to possible terrorist attacks by Al-Qaeda and anti-Israeli groups. The launch took place without incident, not even a firecracker of any sort, which made it just as boring as all other launches in recent history.

As of press time, there was no evidence of Arabic settlements in outer space or anywhere outside of earth, but Israel said they would seek out any possible Arabic locales as part of their pre-colonization mission. Although the colonization of Arabic-controlled areas would be preferable, Israel said they would consider the colonization of areas dominated by other sects including Buddhists, Sikhs, Hindus, Christians, Scientologists, and Raellians. The possibility of uninhabited spots ripe for colonization hadn't been considered.

"Empty? Sure. We could do that," said Lentin. "I don't see where the challenge in that is, though."

Israeli scientists also did not rule out the possibility of Al-Qaeda terrorist camps existing in orbiting space stations, camps that could not be detected by regular sweeps of space areas.

"It's a slim possibility," said Pentagon terrorist expert Gen. J. Halftrack, "but I wouldn't put it past them. The technology is beyond their reach, by our estimates, but to tell you the truth those videos they produce have greater production value than we would have estimated. No telling what they're capable of that we don't know. And we haven't really looked for them in space."

Upon the completion of the sentence, the general dialed a direct line to the White House to propose War on Space Terror legislation, which the president presumably jumped on.

Ambassador Lentin, however, stressed that all Israel seeks through space conquests is peace.

"The Israeli people do not embrace violence," he said, sharing his fries with this reporter at a Burger King restaurant, but not his Dr. Pepper. "It is our desire to step into space with open hands, to greet any who live there and share with them. We will be happy to share our people, and their space stations or colonies. We can all get along, and I'm sure any Arabic astronauts we encounter will realize that."

For all the talk of sharing, this reporter never did get a sip of Lentin's Dr. Pepper, even when offering to use a second straw.

When watching TVs is good idea to have shows to like, for to know when to turn on TV thing. Because if Boris does turn TV on at wrong time, there goes whole day watching to see who wins Fortunate Wheel or see what News person does find out about today.

This is why Boris does love this 24 show. Is thing with easy name for remember and easy hero named Jake. Show is also easy to like because all good persons is blonde and all bad persons have dark hairs. So smart for TV to help Boris with these Notes of Cliff to explain show.

Is not like other mean show that tell joke which is not for Boris, and Louis have to explain and get all piss mad. Louis hate to explain on Friends why persons is friends, Louis say is because show not called Enemies. Boris think show should be called Skinny because there is no big-bottom people on show. And then there could be funny enemies and not wreck name of show, as long as persons are skinny enemies.

But 24 is not like this, is show with no hard jokes or rules about name of show. Is just lots of fun yelling and shooting gun, and clocks, all things Boris does like. 24 show is about Jake person who has yelling problem and is always late all times, him does run arounds to yell "There is no time, stupid!" when everything happen.

Jake also has daughter who is slow person like Rain Mans, so funny. Her is always lost in city and does wander away while Jake does look for her every time. He does yell "Come back stupid daughter! There is not enough time!" but she cannot hear because she has slow Rain Mans brain. Boris love this part. One time Boris does know slow person who did ate bar of soap, true story.

In show Jake must save world from all bad spy persons who wants to kill everything. So many of these persons, is like big club of jerks. Jake must pretend to be member of jerk club to get inside and cowboy-kick all bad persons into giving up evil ways. This is best part. Boris did this thing one time but club was chess club and evil person was cheating to bring shaker of salt into game as extra piece. Boris and Jake both does love to say thing like "Not so fast!" and turn table over in exciting way. Difference is Jake has gun and Boris only has finger for pointing. And Boris is not on TVs, unless Boris life is secret reality show.

Sometimes Boris does think this, that there is cameras in cereal box and socks drawer watching Boris to make good show of life. Louis doesn't not think so, but is maybe because him is actor who make lot of money to pretend he is Louis. This is sneaky thing. Boris think this may be truth, because Louis does get so mad when Boris takes apart stereo to find little cameras.

Probably the secret way is for Louis to be full of secret robot cameras, this is good idea. Robots always has extra space for extra things and sandwiches, plenty of room for cameras to watch Boris. Boris does try to peek inside Louis mouth while him is sleeping one times, but Louis think flashlight is car headlight from dream and does scream and pee, so not such good idea. And Boris is grounded from watching 24 for week, so is maybe better to let show go on where persons is watching show of Boris watching 24 show. Boris is only sad not to get this fun channel, is probably on cable. Would be nice if Boris gets cable and TiVo for Christmas, to tape Boris show when not at home. So, if Santa is watching Boris show, this is things to get for Boris Christmas.

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