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August 5, 2002
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Crapping Out Like a Vegas Fat Man

the commune's Stu Umbrage asks that you fly your pets at half mastiff in honor of Veterinarian's Day this year
The summertime is the number one time for partaking in America's favorite pastime: collecting mosquito larvae in the wild and using it to make homemade jam and preserves. With us today are two people who should need no introduction, mosquito breeding habit expert Dr. Lipton Cloff and homemaker to the stars, Nancy Van Hummelstein. Hey you two, was it you guys I saw pulling into the studio parking lot together in that red convertible with the Irish clogging music blasting?

NVH: You bet, Stu. We've been partying for three days and haven't slept in over a week.

DLC: That's right. And I'm high on some rancid larval peyote. Please excuse the condition of the green room.


Happens to the best of us, Lipton. Okay, folks, before we stra...Read more...

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Quote of the Day
“All the world's a stage, and unfortunately everyone's doing improv and they think they're so fucking funny. But you know what? LAME.”

-Bill Shacksperd
Fortune 500 Cookie
Top dentists all agree: You need teeth, so in short, allow the gargantuan redneck arguing over who did that "Life is a Highway" song to win the disagreement. Sometimes life feels like a TV show, and this week it feels like Red Shoe Diaries—the nudity is all too brief and all your sex will be simulated. Taste taser, motherfucker. Lucky moods are alright, not too bad/you?, feelin' frisky, and I seriously can't go on living no more.


Try again later.
Top Tax Filing Mistakes
1.Classifying hooker money as charitable donations
2.Taxes owed paid in solid gold krugerrands
3.Claiming Willie Nelson already paid your taxes
4.Online tax-filing with X-Box 360 Live account
5.Attempting to personally deliver tax forms to president himself, accompanied by bonus ass-whupping
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