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April 1, 2002
Click for Biography

The Room

"Uncle Trey had a big rambling old house that he lived in; bigger, many thought, than a confirmed bachelor like him would ever need. We liked it, though, because it gave us lots of opportunities to play whenever we would visit him. We had the run of the house, upstairs and downstairs, except for one room that Uncle Trey warned us to never, ever go in. It was a room in the basement, at the back of the house, underneath the service porch. Most of the time we stayed away from the basement anyway, but sometimes we'd go down there and sneak a peek at the door to the forbidden room. It was a heavy door that was always locked, and we wondered what could be on the other side of it.

In the rest of the house, Uncle Trey kept artifacts from his travels around the world, and that was usua...Read more...

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Turns out you should have shot the deputy, too. This week will seem a lot like last week, only with less scabies. Remember, no good deed goes unpunished, and dirty deeds are done dirt cheap. Paulie? Fuck Paulie.


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Top 5 Ways for a Fantatic to Honor Favorite Musician
1.Break into house; masturbate in the bathtub.
2.Nothing says "I love you" like your name in scar tissue
3.Dress like Hootie. Talk like Hootie. Be Hootie.
4.What the fuck—kill him so he can never make any more wonderful music.
5.Talk loudly at parties about how much better his early work was.
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