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February 4, 2002
Click for Biography

Flood

"One year a flood hit our town, and it was among the most horrible things that ever happened. Over 20 people were killed, and I liked three of them. It made me very sad.

For a week we had to camp out on the top of our house since the floodwater reached to our second floor bedrooms. Our parents hated it, but me, Goose, and Stephanie loved it. We pretended the glaciers had melted and we lived in a post-apocalyptic nightmarish world where land was a resource more valuable than gold. This was years before Waterworld, mind you.

I overheard mom and dad talking one night about how the food and water supplies were running short. Mom insisted we would all be fine, that the floodwater would retreat before we could starve or die of thirst. Dad didn't like being without a pla...Read more...

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Quote of the Day
“A little bad taste is like a dash of paprika. A lot of bad taste, like a grinder full of cayenne pepper. And doing that annoying Cajun guy impression while doing anything—well, that's just beyond bad taste.”

-Dirty Parkbench
Fortune 500 Cookie
In the annals of history, there has always been one man who laughs uncontrollably whenever someone says "annals"—that's your legacy. Turn up the heat this week, 'cause that fucking turkey has been in the oven since Saturday. If you can't beat them, join them, and show them what real losers they are for accepting you into the group. Lucky bastards this week are Tom Monroe, Pete Gelbart, Judy Simon, and that son you're pretty sure is living in Winnipeg now.


Try again later.
John McCain's Most Ill-Conceived Jokes
1.Trick "Good for One Free House-Cleaning" coupon he gives to homeless that looks like $100 bill
2.Open letter to Crocodile Hunter widow Terri Irwin inviting her to spend the night with a "real man"
3."I fully and unequivocably support the rights of homosexuals. Nah, just kidding. That shit makes me throw up."
4.Wearing hole-filled NASA sweatshirt to press conference Saturday
5.Big "I have cancer" gag in 2000 election
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