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Two bit, low down, rotten, dirty happiness
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Quote of the Day
“Fight back, men! It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean!”

-Capt. William Thomas Turner of the Lusitania
Fortune 500 Cookie
Looks like your lawyers have kept those topless photos out of the magazine; that and the fact you're 89 years old. Tonight, conquer life's mystery: Find out what that Alpo tastes like. Today is great week to give the gift of peanut brittle. Shaved or unshaved? Your dogs will love you either way. Today's lucky charms: Pink hearts, blue moons, green clovers, virtually any of them.


Try again later.
Top 5 Saddam Hussein Defenses
1.Play ol' Islamic Jihad card
2.Cast suspicion on Burt Reynolds, give jury reasonable doubt
3.Surprise witnesses: Several Kurds he didn't condemn to death
4.Present several bags of children's letters he received
5.Comical "I have good news—I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance" gag defense
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