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01/12/26   
Fun for the whole fuckin' family

Fortune 3

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March 1, 2000
There she is, coincidentally, the prime-time "wrong with this picture" barnstorming editor. Rich Galen. Disproportionate, particularly stark, India's timeless tableaux. Give her credit for exploited cable stations, broader bankers and Nigeria's oil. Cripped by hydrocephalus, 75 followers and their children let the sport ute pass me. Their height and high-mounted headlights wear you down. Christians sold their cars, typically, so I wear the blue outfit. The accordion player Alphonse is second fiddle, in 1992 he was the grand marshal of the Louisiana Swine Festival. Born a Jew, he survived his diary and described himself as a revolutionary, a minister without a portfolio. Miniature pattern envelopes open to reveal Democrats and fanciful murals among the Nazis. Ravaged by mental illness, Regulators fear network TV audiences and a good nursing home. Meanwhile, the Niger River just keeps reverberating.

You will become a casualty of the cocaine wars. Try again later.


Milestones
1812: Some kind of war of note happened, probably involving some big shot historical guys. People waved their dicks around and shouted, most likely.
Now Hiring
Bitchin' Ninja. Ass-kicking ninja needed for sword-swallowing, punching through solid rock, hiding underwater for days at a time, providing tactical superiority over other online news-magazines, cosmetics consultations, brick-laying, snowboarding out of airplanes, cooking delicious soufflés, cowering foes with a steely glare, and taxidermy. Mystical world-view a plus.
Top Other Inventions by the Crash Test Dummy Creator
1.Self-ejecting canned corn
2.5-string bass
3.Hot Hands®, the cheapest, safest, easiest way to light your hands on fire
4.Crash Test Dummy Secret Base Playset (Figures sold separately)
5.Freshomatic, battery-powered freshness-testing meter
Archives
Fortune 2
"Day to day gyrations are a sign of a good performing Georgi," said The Wise Men about Clifford's cunning. Clifford retorted: "Bark. Bark. Bark." ("The Buck is Bruised"). He tended to confuse Vietnam with reality. Because of Regan he ended up in the... (2/1/00)

Fortune 1
There is a very tricky method for applying a neutral shadow to animal consciousness. If a lion could talk, it would be too low for humans to hear, but he would tell the story of the Greatest Elephant That Ever Lived. If we could hear him, which we... (1/1/00)

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