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A keen smile and a sharp knife
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December 9, 2002
Click for Biography

Through the Colon of a Whale

A Gonit on a sled
races home to his bed
through the colon of a whale
sleeping on a bed of shale
snoring gently, without fail.

Through corridors the green sled slid
past hooks and nooks
where blue snails hid
by toreadors who long debated
how they'd come to be located
improbably, deep in these innards
and who was singing that Lynard Skynard.

The Gonit's sled shot past the belly
where several ships swayed in the jelly
each one's crew singing quite loudly
a different tune, and they sang it proudly
all except for an alien saucer
who's crew sat glumly, reading Chaucer.

And from the stomach's cavernous walls
sounded pounding, and muffled calls
to keep it do...Read more...

º Last Column: The Girl Everyone Just Sort of Assumed Was Native American
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Milestones
1982: Fred Connor born, grows up to lead successful rebellion against war of the machines in 2011. Or at least he would have been, if a Terminator hadn't successfully eliminated him from history, according to Research Editor Griswald Dreck.
Now Hiring
Good Terminator. Talking to Griswald Dreck has made us see the wisdom of employing a preventative Terminator security system, preferably a skilled Terminator robot who has been reprogrammed to protect commune staff members. No pay or retirement plans—yours is not to reason why, just to do and die.
Top Unrevealed Bush Tax Cut Benefits
1.Paper currency disintegrates upon touching hands of lower classes
2.Top 1 percent of wealth holders can legally eat cloned dinosaur
3.Five new interns approved for every Democrat who votes for cuts
4.Third Star Wars movie legally required to be drastic improvement
5.Millions of tax dollars refunded to rich; T-shirts for poor
Last Issue
View Past Columns
BY ray manatino
4/1/2002
Naomi, I Moan
A slut nixes sex in Tulsa --
"Sex at noon taxes."
Evil I did dwell, lewd did I live,
Pull up if I pull up!
Dammit, I'm mad!
Dennis and Edna sinned!
Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?
Don't nod,
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog.

Reviled did I live, said I, as evil I did deliver --
Lived on Decaf, faced no Devil --
Murder for a jar of red rum.
Red rum, sir, is murder!
I'm, alas, a salami…
Drab as a fool, aloof as a bard…
Do geese see god?
We panic in a pew.

Niagara, O roar again.

Dammit, I'm mad!

"Naomi," I moan......Read more...